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Wendy’s Just Took A Steaming Dump On Your Favorite ’90s Hard Rock Ballad

By 07.29.14
wendys

Wendy's


Yesterday evening I was sitting around with a Comedy Central rerun of Futurama on in the background while I dicked around on my phone, when all of a sudden the most upsetting thing that’s happened during an episode of Futurama since the dog waiting for years happened: This abomination of a Wendy’s commercial parodying Mr. Big’s 1991 single “To Be With You” came on. I watched in silent horror as the lyrics to the rock ballad were changed to be about … *shudder* … Pretzel Buns.

For example: “I’m the one who wants to be with you / Pretzel Bun I know you’ll feel it too.” NO. JUST NO. PRETZEL BUNS, OR BUNS OF ANY KIND DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS AND THAT IS JUST LAZY PARODYING.

Shortly after I went on Twitter and saw that I was not the only one offended by the commercial, as our own Burnsy was calling for federal intervention:

A quick search revealed that others, too, were displeased. (Of course there were also a few idiots who liked it, but screw those people.)

Hear that Wendy’s? YOU HAVE FOREVER RUINED A WONDERFUL SONG. I hope you all are good and happy with yourselves, and that it was worth it in the name of Pretzel Buns. As I said last night, how dare they sully my favorite karaoke song? Clearly that is my job, and if I’ve had a half dozen or so glasses of wine I am VERY good at my job.

What’s next, Wendy’s? Extreme’s “More Than Words” to sell chicken sandwiches? Nelson’s “After the Rain” to sling french fries? ARE THERE NO MONSTER BALLADS THAT ARE SAFE FROM YOUR FAST FOOD CLUTCHES?

Here’s the original, FYI, if you want to try to cleanse your brain from that awfulness:

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TOPICS#COMMERCIALS
TAGSFAST FOODMorgan Smith GoodwinMR. BIGPARODYWENDYS

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