Politicians In South Miami Want South Florida To Become Its Very Own State

South Miami Mayor Philip Stoddard says that he has supported the idea of Florida becoming two states for at least 15 years, but it finally took his Vice Mayor Walter Harris writing the proposal to get the ball rolling. Stoddard and Harris agree that Tallahassee simply isn’t doing enough to help the state’s southern counties deal with the rising sea level that will eventually call for taller buildings and a surplus of Milhouse’s flood pants. Their solution is very simple – take the responsibility away from Tallahassee and make South Florida its own state.

Except, Stoddard is much more colorful in describing his distaste for Florida’s current leadership…

“It’s very apparent that the attitude of the northern part of the state is that they would just love to saw the state in half and just let us float off into the Caribbean,” Stoddard said. “They’ve made that abundantly clear every possible opportunity and I would love to give them the opportunity to do that.” (Via the Orlando Sentinel)

It’s fun to imagine him staring out the window as Against Me!’s “Sink, Florida, Sink” plays in the background. Harris’s proposal was voted on earlier this month, but while it passed, it was hardly unanimous. The Sentinel reports that commissioners Gabriel Edmond and Josh Liebman voted against the idea because it encourages people to use secession as a solution for everything. (Obviously, the real solution to everything is arm wrestling.) Still, it passed and will now make its way to the elected officials of every county involved.

Stoddard’s blunt sassiness aside, the focus of the resolution is not only how important South Florida is to the state’s economy and how that should translate to the overall priorities of elected officials…

Whereas, presently, the state of Florida collects approximately 22 billion dollars in sales and documentary taxes from all of Florida, of which 69 percent, 15.25 billion dollars, is collected in South Florida; and…

… but more importantly, Harris wrote, how climate change is real and the rising sea level could make things really messy for the entire state, and not just the 24 counties that would be included in the new 51st state.

Whereas, the average elevation of the present state of Florida is approximately 100 feet above sea level. North Florida is approximately 120 feet above sea level while the average elevation of South Florida is less than 50 feet with a very large portion of South Florida averaging less than 15 feet above sea level. Many sections of South Florida are 5 feet or less above sea level, including Monroe County and the Gold Coast, consisting of Palm Beach County, Broward County and Miami-Dade County. This area also includes the Everglades National Park, Big Cypress National Preserve, Biscayne National Park and the Turkey Point nuclear reactors. These reactors are 42 years old and less than 5 feet above sea level with in excess of 2.5 million pounds of nuclear waste buried on the grounds of the nuclear plant.

Yeah, that should probably get a little more attention. Or, there’s always the standby solution…

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