Another day, another homeless Florida man trying to shove a chainsaw down his shorts. Port St. Lucie bachelor Anthony Ballard was arrested on a grand theft charge recently after he was busted on camera stealing a $600 chainsaw from Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment, according to the TC Palm’s Off the Beat Blog. After somewhat nonchalantly stuffing the chainsaw into his shorts, Ballard presumably waddled out of the store, hopped on his bicycle and took off for freedom. The only problem with that plan, though, was that it’s hard enough to walk with a chainsaw in your drawers, let alone ride a bike, so when employees chased him, Ballard ditched the tool in some bushes and escaped.
Ballard probably would have gotten away with the crime, albeit without the chainsaw, had he not either A) grown a conscience, as he later told police, and went back to fetch the tool and return it, or B) still wanted that chainsaw so he could sell it. Once he returned to the bushes, Ballard was recognized and grabbed by the cops. Let this be a lesson to you thieves out there – if you’re stealing a chainsaw, the proper mode of getaway transportation is always a unicycle.
(H/T to Florida Man)