Looking back, 2014 was a pretty crazy year. Between the mysterious and tragic disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 and panic of the Ebola outbreak to the revived allegations of rape against Bill Cosby and The Interview controversy — there were some pretty intense headlines dominating the news.
But we’re not going to talk about any of those things right now, because you’re in my church. UPROXX’s most viral stories of 2014 honors the underdogs, if you will: the best, worst, and craziest in both animal and humankind, with viral stories of cheating comeuppance, local news reporters gone wild, cute kids and mugshots galore.
My formula for deciding which stories made the cut was a combination of simple page views and small allowances for stories that dominated the viral news cycle due to follow-ups and general public interest. I also steered away from including anything TV or film-related, or else the Carlton dance would have slayed the competition — much like it did on Dancing with the Stars. Here are the top 20, counting down to #1:
20. DoubleDickDude
It’s appropriate that I start out with our very first viral story of 2014, compliments of a Redditor going by the name of “DoubleDickDude,” who regaled the internet with erotic tales stemming from the fact that he was born with two penises — a condition called “diphallia.” It wasn’t for the faint of heart.
UPROXX’s hero of the year is a cat named Tara who hails from Bakersfield, California, fearlessly saving her tiny human from a vicious dog attack that would have almost certainly killed the small boy. Tara was rewarded by adulation of the masses and eventually got to throw out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game. We at UPROXX salute you, Tara.
18. Literal DUI Mugshot T-Shirt Guy
This story had a dark side because in addition this spot-on mugshot with choice attire, Ross McMakin of Corvallis, Oregon also crashed his car and choked his girlfriend for trying to take the keys away from him. Oh well. At least I don’t feel bad for making him a spectacle on the internet.
The “Apparently Kid,” a.k.a. Noah Ritter was discovered after being interviewed at Pennsylvania’s Wayne County Fair and the precocious, adverb-loving kid quickly became a bona-fide sensation — appearing on national news shows, Ellen, mentioned on The Colbert Report, and even starring in his very own TV commercial.
OK, so the story of Jasmine Tridevil, the woman who allegedly spent $20,000 to be surgically enhanced with three breasts turned out to be a fake — a failed ploy to get her own MTV series — but that doesn’t mean that we didn’t all marvel at her for five minutes and then revel in her disgrace.
15. “F*ck It, I Quit” Reporter
Local TV reporter who quits in the middle of a live broadcast in spectacularly F-bomb dropping fashion to run her own marijuana club full time? Uh, yes please. These are the things viral stories are made of.
14. Sexy Mugshot Guy
30-year-old Jeremy Meeks stole hearts and ruined panties when his mugshot turned up on the Facebook page of the Stockton Police Department back in June. We haven’t heard from him recently, but it can only be assumed that’s he’s still out there breaking hearts, and breaking and entering. Allegedly.
13. Texas Wife Newspaper Revenge Ad
In the first of several scorned spouse/lover stories on this list, a Texas wife proved that she is not to be f*cked with by posting this pregnancy announcement in the local paper directed to her husband and his mistress. Brings a tear to my eye for all the right reasons.
It could be argued whether or not this guy was within his rights as a Good Samaritan to bust this lady who was sexting her lover every time her (assumed) husband was in the bathroom, by handing the guy a note on his way out of the stadium. But either way it’s safe to assume he ruined that lady’s day.
Guy. Pooping wrong. His entire life. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE THE TOILET SEAT? Otherwise the ring is cold and it is damp. This is why god invented the toilet seat.
10. Grouper Swallows Shark Whole
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
9. Jeep Driver Teaches Lesson To Corvette Driver
If it’s one thing we love more than a good cheating comeuppance story, it’s a good driver/parking comeuppance story. This Corvette driver parked like that total butthole outside of a restaurant in New Jersey and got shamed by the driver of a Jeep who parked nearly on top of him. Simple yet effective.
8. Woman Contacts Mothers Of Boys Who Rape Threat Online
A female Australian video game reviewer, Alanah Pearce, sick of the horrible threats she was constantly receiving from pimple-faced goblins online, finally resorted to reaching out to the moms of the boys harassing her. Now if only we could expose every misogynistic creep on the internet in such a stupendous fashion.
7. GoPro Camera Attached To Bottle Of Whiskey At A Wedding
2014 was ostensibly the year of both the GoPro camera and disgusting Fireball cinnamon whiskey, so the viral success of this GoPro attached to a bottle of Fireball being passed around at a wedding was basically science.
6. Dan Thorn; Dancing News Anchor
Dan Thorn is a new anchor for West Virginia Fox affiliate, and he’s also quite the dancer — much to the chagrin of his fun-hating, stony faced co-anchor. He entertained us this year dancing to hits such as T.I.’s “Where They At Doe” and Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off.”
5. San Fransisco Restaurant War On Yelp
The owner of San Fransisco’s Botto Bistro was the David that took on the Goliath that is Yelp this year by rewarding customers who gave them one star reviews. No word on whether the ploy worked, but it was a valiant attempt.
4. Cards Against Humanity Boxes Of Shit
As a Black Friday protest, the makers of Cards Against Humanity removed everything from their online store save for $6 boxes of literal bullsh*t. And if you didn’t think that would sell out faster than the cow could poop it out of its butt, than you severely underestimated mankind. Look no further than this “unboxing video” which we just really hope the guy washed his hands very thoroughly after recording.
The internet marveled over a threesome that took place between two attractive, blonde, Louisiana teachers and an unnamed 16-year-old male student. This was basically the collective reaction of the entire internet:
2. Guy Responds With Memes To Cheating Girlfriend
Kane Zipperman, the guy whose girlfriend tried in vain to win him back after cheating may not be the most chivalrous dude, but screw it. Maybe it was a dick move to ridicule her and then share it for the enjoyment of the internet, but do you really owe anything to a cheater? At least he didn’t include her name, as some small consolation.
1. Charlie Sheen Ice Bucket Challenge
And, we have arrived. I tried to steer clear of mainstream pop culture in this list, but dammit, Charlie Sheen left me with little choice. The biggest meme of 2014 was almost definitely the unavoidable ALS Ice Bucket Challenge — and not only was this the most viral UPROXX story of 2014 but the overall most read UPROXX story of 2014. People clicked, read, shared, and here we are. So everybody congratulate Charlie Sheen, UPROXX’s most viral story of 2014. On the plus side, we can only aim higher for 2015.