“Dear Ms. Stouffer I do not like my current seat! This is because I sit near tori, we do not get along because our pencil cases both have the same locks. One time I played a trick on her by locking her case with my key because she does not have her own. This is the reason why I do not like my seat.
P.S. If you agree please me in the empty seat next to _____ because I find her kind of attractive! If I do get the seat please do not announce this is front of the class.”
You really have to admire this kid’s game. First he sabotages Tori’s pencil case—leaving her presumably without a writing instrument for the day—all in the name of a prank. Because how dare Tori have the same pencil case as our little hero. The nerve of that girl.
Then he slowly devolves into a first grade Casanova, asking Ms. Stouffer (she better eat all the french bread pizzas) to move him next to the hot girl in class. Damn, that’s like Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love. And I love how he wants it on the down-low. Not because he’s afraid of showing his love. No sir! He’s totally going to use this move again and he doesn’t want others catching on.
What a smooth operator.
(Yes, there’s a chance this is fake. Not Jimmy Kimmel fake but my fake-dar is pretty good and it’s going off. Nonetheless, I’m more than happy to read stories about fake first grade Casanovas. It’s the holidays after all.)
[Barstool]