Very bad news for someone in North Korea’s turtle farm/lobster mating business: Kim Jong-un was really counting on some freshwater lobster for the 70th anniversary celebration of his adoring nation’s Workers’ Party of Korea, so he brought some lobsters to a Taedonggang turtle farm two years ago and told them to dim the lights, set the mood, and let them breed. Well, that didn’t happen for some reason, and Kim Jong-un has expressed his official discontent with these unlucky turtle farmers. As we all know, turtle farmers are expected to know everything about lobster breeding, so some heads are clearly going to roll for this one. Those poor bastards.
Kim Jong-un apparently issued an official report that laid the guilt on really thick:
“All service personnel and people of the country are working hard round the clock to make good presents to the 70th founding anniversary of the WPK but he could hardly understand with what success the officials and employees of the farm would like to greet the October festival,” read the report.
Yeah, guys! What are you thinking? Are you trying to make the leadership look like they don’t care about the citizens of North Korea who were totally going to get some of that lobster, I swear? Everyone else is trying so hard to make this the best party ever; don’t you turtle farmers love your country? Obviously not, if you won’t make more lobsters. All Dear Leader, Jr. wants to do is provide his people “tasty and nutritious terrapin widely known as precious tonic from olden times,” but no.
The report really ripped these turtle farmers a new one, citing their lack of lobsters “as a manifestation of incompetence, outmoded way of thinking and irresponsible work style.” The report also recommended that cameras be installed as a means of increasing productivity, because if there’s anything that turns on lobsters more than being forced to breed on a turtle farm by a psychotic dictator, it’s doing all that while that psychotic dictator is watching them.
Well, it’s not like the turtles are watching them. Even the turtles would find that weird.
Source: Mashable