On Monday, Reddit users did what they do best by sharing stories they’d never reveal in a face-to-face situation. This thread differs from a recent collection of deep, dark secrets because these new tales are mostly hilarious in nature. Yet, they’re secrets that these users have felt “too inappropriate” to share in a public forum. These are ostensibly true tales of woe, which have happened to either the users or their close friends and family. The users were bound by both loyalty and embarrassment to never spill the tea in public. Now, the Internet is entirely different matter. Let ‘er rip.
You’ll never feel the same way about art teachers after reading this account.
I’m a teacher. Last year the art teacher was doing a project with googly eyes. Pocketed 2 of them, went home, and stuck them on my d*ck. Took a wonderful d*ck pic. It’s still in a secret folder on my phone. Sure I always show girls I date, but i can’t just go showin it to people the way I want.
This poor lady probably thought she’d never properly use the restroom again.
I wanted to be nice and smooth for when I saw my boyfriend so I decided to try to wax at home. The wax wasn’t very good and dried to quick before I could do it properly, so when I went to do the back I ended up gluing my *ss cheeks together and it took me 45 minutes to figure out how to get them unstuck and to remove the excess wax that had dried on me. Baby oil eventually did the trick.
Now, for a fond yet disgusting childhood memory for this Reddit user.
When we were kids my brother and I used to fart on my dad’s pillow. Every night he’d go to bed and complain that his pillow stank. He blamed the cat and resorted to hiding his pillow. Ahhhhh my sides, even typing this is making me cry with laughter.
Your mom and dad do things, and this entry is positive proof of your denial.
A few years ago my dad found a large ring in a parking lot. He gave it to my mother as silly fake jewelry. Because the ring was so comically big and oddly constructed my mom brings it out every now and again, wearing it on her finger, to show to company when they visit.
It’s a c*ck ring.
This list wouldn’t be the same without a hot-pepper mishap tale.
So I was making these tacos on Saturday and I had just finished cutting my jalapenos and other stuff and I went for a quick pee before eating. I went back to the kitchen and suddenly I noticed something. Something like a burn. On my balls. I started staring at my roommate (lady) across the table and I just said : “Holy f*cking sh*t, I should have washed my hands”.
She put 2 and 2 together and proceeded to laugh her ass off for the rest of the day. She kept coming back to my room like : “Hey I’ve got a glass of milk here so you can squat and let simmer your balls in it !”
This one is just weird in an over-the-top, no-wonder-you-didn’t-tell-anyone way.
Was having sexy time with GF. We were both in high school and she (on top) thought she was doing an awfully good job writhing and moving her body to please me. While it was very nice, she didn’t realize that what pushed me over the edge and blew my mind was when her cat started licking my foot.
Hopefully you didn’t just eat breakfast or lunch because this is the grossest admission of the bunch:
My fiancé and I often engage in “period sex” – no sense in letting a little blood stop us, right? One day, after a particularly spirited encounter, we wake up from a post sex nap to see that everything…is covered…in blood. I must have been on top, then used my hands, then got on top again and used the wall for leverage. There were all these little, bloody handprints above the headboard, and the sheets…it straight up looked like someone had been tortured and murdered in that room. We now refer to period sex as murder sex.
Let’s do just one more story with feeling.
My daughter was conceived in a love hotel in Shibuya.
Now that is embarrassing.
(Via Reddit)