Peyton Manning in ‘The Accidental Racist’

11.24.09 8 years ago 58 Comments

PEYTON MANNING: Hey Reggie, look at this.

REGGIE WAYNE: Look at what?

PEYTON MANNING: This. Right here.

REGGIE WAYNE: Right where, man? I don’t see anything.

PEYTON MANNING: This. Right here. Right where my finger is on the page here.

REGGIE WAYNE: I’m lookin’ right at it, man! I don’t see anything!

PEYTON MANNING: Here! Right here! See my finger moving! Look! Right! Here!

REGGIE WAYNE: I see your goddamn finger, bitch! I don’t see nuthin! That’s a blank piece of paper!


[flips page over]

REGGIE WAYNE: So what is that shit?

PEYTON MANNING: This is the Google Maps to my house. I don’t want you to get lost on the way to Thanksgiving dinner this weekend.

REGGIE WAYNE: Hold up now. Say what?

PEYTON MANNING: Mama’s made a big ol’ turkey for all of us, it’s gonna be real good. She said we could bring someone, so I’m bringin’ you.

REGGIE WAYNE: Hey that’s great and all, but I got my own thing going on for Thanksgiving, man.

PEYTON MANNING: And Archie knows a great fried chicken place up the road, so he’s gonna bring some fried chicken, just for you.

REGGIE WAYNE: Hey, I told you I can’t…What the fuck did you just say?

PEYTON MANNING: And Eli’s friends have this watermelon patch the next county over, so he’ll bring you a big juicy watermelon. You like watermelon, right?

REGGIE WAYNE: You better shut your honky mouth right now, sucka. I don’t gotta take this shit. I don’t care how many cell phones you gave everybody.

PEYTON MANNING: Aw, don’t get all fussy now. See here, you just drive down I-65 for about seven hours, and then you go–

REGGIE WAYNE: Hey Alfalfa! I ain’t going to your house!

PEYTON MANNING: Would it help if I got you a bus schedule?


PEYTON MANNING: Jeez, what’s his problem? Oh, well. He’ll be in a better mood soon. It’s almost the first of the month.


TONY DUNGY: So Rodney, what did you think of this post with Peyton Manning as a bumbling white guy trying to make friends with an African-American player on his team?

RODNEY HARRISON: I don’t get this post at all. What, are we really supposed to believe that Peyton has no idea how to talk to black people at all? Plus, it’s not really that funny. It’s just a list of tired black stereotypes, and it’s almost embarrassing to read. You can really tell this blog can’t operate at the same level without its star performer. These guys are really gonna have to get out of their funk if they want to get through the second half of the season.

TONY DUNGY: I couldn’t agree more, Rodney. As a matter of fact, I don’t even like fried chicken.

RODNEY HARRISON: Don’t like fried chicken? Bitch, what’s wrong witchu?

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