The summer movie season is almost upon us, and with it, the hopes and dreams of hundreds of screenwriters, movie producers, and other hacks fall upon us. And most will be soundly rejected by audiences.
But, hell, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun with them, right? Here are five movies we’re convinced are going to be entertaining, quite possibly for all the wrong reasons.
#5) 7500
Coming August 31st
“Ghosts on a Plane”. Seriously. Not that this concept can’t be handled well: Tobe Hooper did a great episode of a show called “The Others” dealing with precisely this idea. It looks like the director, Takashi Shimizu, phones it in yet again on what will probably be a great movie if you’re drunk and with a bunch of friends who are also drunk.
#4) Red Lights
Coming July 13th
Robert DeNiro plays a psychic. By all accounts, it was one of the worst movies at Sundance, with DeNiro dealing out the ham like he was working a Vegas buffet. But, hey, it’s got Cillian Murphy and Sigourney Weaver in it, so it can’t be all bad.
#3) Snow White and the Huntsman
Coming June 1st
It’s Kristin Stewart trying to play a total badass, plus actual respected actors like Bob Hoskins and Nick Frost playing the dwarves, and probably carrying the entire movie.
#2) Battleship
Coming May 18th
For reasons we’ve already gotten into.
#1) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Coming June 22nd
Let’s see here: an overrated and incredibly self-involved director, Tim Burton producing, it’s a period piece, and it’s based on an annoying literary fad that’s already died off. This could be the fantasy equivalent of “Can’t Stop The Music”.