While most everyone who saw The Other Women this weekend was focused on a different aspect of her performance, our good friends over at Vulture were paying attention to the words that came out of Kate Upton’s mouth. I think we’ll be enthusiastically quoting, “We could kick him in the balls,” “YOURS! YOU’RE THE CEO,” and “You guys, I think I see a dolphin” for years to come.
To be fair to Kate, at least she looked happy to be in the movie. The same can’t be said for some of the famous supermodels below. Here’s a brief history of some of the world’s prettiest people giving this whole acting THING a shot. “Cheers.”
1. Cindy Crawford — Fair Game
Anyone expecting quality from Fair Game, which came out during a time when all thrillers had to be “steamy thrillers,” was tragically misguided. It was made for one reason and one reason only: for the lead actress to show her good parts. The role of Kate McQuean, “a civil-law lawyer who becomes a target for murder,” was originally offered to Geena Davis, but she passed. As did Julianne Moore. Brooke Shields, too. So it went to the fourth best choice: Cindy Crawford, whose acting can best be described as “there.”
2. Gisele Bündchen — Taxi
Taxi is known for three things:
1. For not being TAXI.
2. For nearly destroying Jimmy Fallon’s career.
3. For starring Gisele Bündchen. It was her first film role — and last, if you don’t include The Devil Wears Prada, where she’s not so much acting as looking pretty. It’s hard to tell if she’s especially bad in it, because the entire movie is needlessly stupid; it’s an old school cheesy cop caper, with shiny modern cars. One thing is not like the other. Anyway, the next time you don’t stop on Taxi when you see it on FX, try to imagine the terrible things Fallon and Tom Brady have done to themselves while it.
3. Claudia Schiffer — The Blackout
IMDb plot keywords for this film include “alcoholic,” “abortion,” “strangulation,” “lesbianism,” “female nudity,” “drug addict,” and “threesome.” I don’t know why producers didn’t just call it Alcoholic Abortion Strangulation Lesbianism Female Nudity Drug Addict Threesome, Starring Claudia Schiffer.
4. Elle Macpherson — Batman & Robin
Uma Thurman gives it her all in every scene in Batman & Robin, but Elle Macpherson, as Bruce Wayne’s high society lady friend Julie Madison, is happy to relax and occasionally emote with a twinkling smile. It’s an unflashy performance that demands exactly that, though there was supposed to be a lot more Elle: “It is rumored that Poison Ivy murdered Julie Madison in the original cut of Batman & Robin although how this would have fit with the overall tone of the film is unknown.”
That whole film is one big unknown.