I’m an adult. I shouldn’t be jealous of a baby, but here I am, jealous of a baby, a baby whose mother sings Rod Stewart’s “My Heart Can’t Tell You No” to her with a voice reminiscent of, to quote one Redditor, “Jan from The Office.” (Not a good thing.) But that’s not why I’m envious. I’m envious because when I was a toddler, my parents would serenade me with “Almost Illegal,” from the same Stewart album as “Heart.” Dumb, lucky baby gets the singles, and I was stuck with the deep cuts. THAT should be illegal.
