I’m just going to state this up front: None of the details in this story are relevant except for the fact that this man was arrested wearing a Cookie Monster onesie. Matthew “Me Want Cookies” Coleman, a 30-year-old resident of Friendswood (Friendswood!!!!!!!) Texas was arrested last week for stealing rebar and hurricane fencing from a construction site along with 23-year-old Dean Allen Stevens.
But let’s get back to the Cookie Monster onesie. Some questions:
Why was this man wearing a Cookie Monster onesie?
Did he intentionally wear this outfit for the purpose of committing a crime?
Where do you even find a Cookie Monster onesie in an adult man’s size?
Does he really like cookies more than the average person?
What kind of cookies are his favorite kind of cookie?
Does he have a girlfriend?
Does his girlfriend like cookies?
Is the Cookie Monster onesie comfortable? It looks like it would be comfortable.
What, if anything, is he wearing underneath the Cookie Monster onesie?
Does he have specifically a fondness for Cookie Monster or just onesies with Sesame Street characters on them in general?
I’m afraid we’ll probably never know the answers to any of these questions. Godspeed, Cookie Monster onesie-wearing guy.