Writer Ted Scheinman had to have known he had Internet gold on his hands when he Tweeted this picture of a tissue that his sister passed along to him a few weeks ago. According to his Tweet, the tissue was written on by two of his sister’s second grade students, as these precocious young girls wanted to teach someone a lesson in “How to Fall in Love.” So they started working on their step-by-step plan, and as you can see, it’s as ridiculous as it is incredibly cute.
Unfortunately, the girls only filled in 11 of their 24 steps, and for some reason they left Nos. 7 and 9 blank, but after reading No. 6, I’m pretty sure we’d all be concerned about what happens after “Get nacked in bed and do more sex.” On second thought, it’s almost terrifying what second graders already know these days.
As for the rest of the steps…
1. First you stare at the person.
2. You get close to each other
3. You ask for a date.
4. You go in bed and do sex
5. When you kiss you suck and lick
6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex.
8. Go dance and put your noses together.
10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever.
11. Take a shower together and kiss.
12. Give each other rings.
13. Go to the pool together.
The Awl reached out to Scheinman for some insight into why these girls decided to make this interesting scripture their first foray into writing.
My sister teaches languages at a school in the northeast and did not actually witness the composition of this masterpiece, but a colleague confides that the two girls (both second-graders) had finished their work about 12 minutes early and decided to write a “book” using napkins (possibly from a classroom birthday party?), with staples for the binding.
“The seats in that class are assigned,” my sister says, “but these two are really good friends, though I wouldn’t say they’re best friends. They play together often during recess—lots of cartwheels and flips and gymnastics in general—and are very popular… or as popular as one can be in second grade.”
My sister’s colleague saw them giggling and went to find the cause. Presumably she expected something less monumental. The girls surrendered the text without a struggle. I don’t believe it was confiscated on account of raciness; we’re pretty sure the teacher just really wanted to keep it.
Scheinman continued to offer a breakdown of everything from the language to the lessons of love, but I’m sure that by now, in the three weeks since he first Tweeted it, these girls already have publishers and TV producers targeting them for a series of books and an eventual TV series.
(H/T to Happy Place)