Always Be Covering: The Pointlessness of Week 17

12.30.11 6 years ago 41 Comments

Ugh, the last week of regular season football. Fantasy seasons are over, most of the games don’t matter, and even the games that are supposed to matter don’t really matter. I mean, do any neutral fans really really give a damn who wins the NFC East? Of course not. But as pointless as this week may seem, I would probably give my left nut to watch a meaningless Redskins/Eagles game this summer.

One thing I wouldn’t give a piece of my body for is this leather six-pack holder (via Uncrate, of course). You have to be a special kind of douchebag to spend $65 bucks on this kind of thing.

Last week: 8-6-1
Overall: 111-114-5

Dallas at New York Giants -3

Sunday Night Football usually goes at the bottom of the post, but seeing as how it’s the one win-and-you’re-in game of the week it’s getting top billing. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and ignore most of the other games in this week’s post.

Everything you could ever need to know about this game can be summed up in this video from NMA TV.

These Taiwanese people have a better understanding of the NFL than 90% of the people employed by ESPN. All of those tours of Jerry World and nobody thought to show us the fireman’s pole that transports Jerry to the sidelines? Inexcusable.

Washington at Philadelphia -9

The saddest part is that I’m going to watch every minute of this game. Because I hate myself.

San Francisco -11 at St. Louis

A win clinches the 2 seed for the 49ers. Simple enough.

Chicago at Minnesota PICK

Oooh, a pick ’em! I have no fucking clue.

Detroit -3 at Green Bay

Maybe that Matt Flynn guy can play quarterback for the Redskins next year.

Carolina +8 at New Orleans

Speaking of backup quarterbacks, Chase Daniel! That’s a thing, right?

Tennessee -3 at Houston

The Titans can still get in the playoffs? That makes about as much sense as their coach leaving for Penn State.

Indianapolis +4 at Jacksonville

My dad has convinced himself that if the Colts fuck up and lose the top pick to the Rams then the Redskins will trade for Sam Bradford. NOT HAPPENING.

New York Jets at Miami -1.5

Because it would be funny.

Buffalo at New England -11

Buffalo has never won at Gillette, and their quarterback has never used one. HI-YO!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta -11.5

The Falcons are going to the playoffs in back-to-back years for the first time in team history. What a shitty franchise.

Baltimore at Cincinnati +3
Pittsburgh -7.5 at Cleveland

Bengals sneak in to the playoffs, and Pittsburgh gets their precious bye week.

San Diego at Oakland -3

Enjoy the waning hours of the Norv Turner era, people. You’ll miss it when it’s gone. Unless you like the Chargers.

Kansas City +3.5 at Denver

Again, because it would amuse me.

Seattle +3 at Arizona

The playoffs start next week!

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