Last Season: 38-31-4
Last Season’s Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: 3-12
About that… OK, not great, but I did get the Super Bowl line right. Not to mention picking Peyton to throw a pick six at 4/1. So you can definitely trust me.
Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay of the Week
Philadelphia Eagles -10.5 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars and OVER 52.5
I’m banking on the whole “this line can’t possibly be high enough” thing. The Eagles should cruise, even if their worst in the league pass defense doesn’t look like it’s going to be that much better. Chad Henne’s gonna go HAM. You know, relatively speaking.
Home Favorite of the Week
Chicago Bears -7 vs. Buffalo Bills
Is the Bears defense any better? Eh, maybe, but it probably won’t matter this week. EJ Manuel is in a dead heat with Christian Ponder for best/worst NFL quarterback from Florida State.
Home Dog of the Week
Atlanta Falcons +3 (-105) vs. New Orleans Saints
The Saints are great, except for the whole road game thing. They’ve lost five of their last six away from home.
/remembers exactly how bad the Falcons defense was last year
//remembers how the Saints have gone 13-3 against the Falcons since ’06
Road Favorite of the Week
New England Patriots -5 at Miami Dolphins
There aren’t a lot of road favorites in Week 1, and I’ll be god damned if I’m going to take the 49ers in Dallas, so this will have to do.
Road Dog of the Week
Minnesota Vikings +3.5 at St. Louis Rams
Shaun Hill’s is giving 3.5 points. Against a team with Adrian Peterson and 52 other able bodied adult males. St. Louis has a good defense…but no.
Literal Dog(s) of the Week
Via Reddit, where all anyone wants to talk about is where the hell OP buys Tab.
Three Suicide Picks
Boring pick: Philadelphia (vs. Jacksonville)
Intriguing pick: New York Jets (vs. Oakland)
My too clever for my own good pick: Pittsburgh (vs. Cleveland)
Fantasy Matchup of the Week
This one comes from one of my own leagues. I’m expecting big things from Beats By Ray.
Pro Tip of the Week
Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.
Make crispy wings in the oven (or grill) with the help of baking soda.
The key is to dry the wings, then toss them with baking soda (roughly one heaping teaspoon pound of chicken) and rub (or just salt if you like). Then let them sit on a wire rack in the fridge (if you have the room, if not they’ll just have to live with a ziplock bag) for at least 8 hours.
When you’re ready to cook, pop them in a 450 degree oven (still on a wire rack) for roughly 20 minutes per side, or until perfectly golden brown and delicious. Alternatively, grill/roast over an indirect flame in your charcoal Weber, gas whatever or Big Green thing, toss in sauce (50/50 blend butter and your favorite not too hot hot sauce…I like Louisiana) then finish over direct flame.
Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.