Always Be Covering: Where ‘Perfect’ Is a Relative Term

11.06.09 8 years ago 14 Comments

Now that I’m done poring over photoshops of Andy Reid’s face on some of the internet’s more iconic images I can return my focus to gambling. Sweet income-sapping gambling. You’ll help me get rid of all these nasty bills, won’t you? Yeah, you’ll treat me right this time. I know you will. Because if you don’t I’m going to beat you to death with a prosthetic limb and leave you to rot in a motel bathroom.

New Orleans -13 vs. Carolina

The undefeated Saints may be 7-0, but their bid for true perfection went up in flames last week when they failed to cover the spread for the first time all season. What a bunch of useless fucking losers they are. I like them to get back on track this week against a Panthers team coming off of their first third win. It was nice to see Jake Delhomme go a whole week without an interception, now he can get back down to business.

Atlanta -10 vs. Washington

Yep, it’s time to start betting against the Redskins. What’s that? Everybody else has been doing this since September? Very well then, carry on.

Tennessee +4.5 at San Francisco

Sure the Titans have only won two games against the spread this year, but I hear that this Vince Young guy is a “winner.” That ought to be good for a few extra points, right?

– Ted Ginn Jr. Over 22½ (-150) yards per kickoff return

Hell, Rock Cartwright does better than that on an average day, and he has all the explosiveness of your average fart. Ginn should average 30 ypr with ease. Just don’t ask him to run an out route.

– Tony Romo Over 1 (+140) interception vs. Philadelphia

The payout (bet 100 to win 140) seems a bit light when you consider that Romo has only been picked off in two games so far this season (for a total of four interceptions). Regardless, The Eagles intercept more passes (14) than just about anybody in the league, so it’s still a pretty good bet. Plus you get to spend the whole game hoping for a Romo interception, which you were probably going to be doing anyway. Might as well make the big moment all that much more enjoyable when it does happen.

Enjoy the games, and please abstain from questioning the relative perfection of the cheerleaders pictured thereby ruining Sexy Friday for everyone.

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