With all due respect to Jennifer Lawrence and Pizza Delievery Guy, the person who attended this year’s Oscars ceremony that I’d most want to split a milkshake with is Anna Kendrick. In between boring acceptance speeches, we’d discuss Game of Thrones, snack on an In-N-Out burger she hid in her clutch, maybe even prank-text her/our BFF Aubrey Plaza. Oh, the fun we’d have. Oh, the fun Anna Kendrick had without me, and with Aubrey, in her Oscars weekend diary for Vanity Fair.
Aubrey Plaza is my date for the evening. Our first stop is the Giorgio Armani party, and she’s on her way to pick me up. The thing about these events is that most of them just serve booze and slivers of vegetables on rice crackers, so you basically need to be unceremoniously stuffing your face with calories every chance you get, unless you want to pass out on top of screen legend Bruce Dern. Aubrey hasn’t figured this out yet, so I bring two Luna bars out to our Uber. The glamour never stops.
Sitting at my table is the world’s most charming man, Michael Sheen. I seem to look over at him every single time he’s trying to discreetly stuff a bit of chicken or bread in his mouth. He looks very sheepish. I guess his friend didn’t bring him a Luna bar.
My dad is sitting next to Bill Murray, who is gracious enough chat with him for a while after I ran into him backstage and mentioned that my dad is excited to meet him. We spy on Sidney Poitier having a casual chat with Liza Minnelli and wish we’d brought those long-distance hearing aids from SkyMall. However, even in this room, Dad is most excited about meeting Michael Strahan.
I’m no Michael Sheen, but I know where to find some KILLER Luna bars. Oh what could have been.