Ask Jay Cutler!

05.12.08 9 years ago 9 Comments

Jay Cutler, ever the font of priggish wisdom, has agreed to lend an ear to some readers’ most pressing problems.

About a year ago I stumbled upon this hidden folder on my husband’s computer featuring pictures of amputees having sex with each other. All of the pictures featured sexual scenes where the stump figured prominently in the interaction and there were at least close to a hundred of them. Okay, perhaps stumbled was wrong because admittedly I was prying, as his behavior has made me a little suspicious of late. This discovery has really freaked me out. He’d been volunteering at the VA hospital for the last year and what before seemed like a really selfless act now comes off as a fulfillment of a sick fetish. I find it hard to be intimate with him knowing what is really going on in his mind. Is there a way I can discuss this with him without losing his trust?

-Severed Connection

Your husband is weird.

I followed with great interest the recent news that you had been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I myself suffer from the same condition. I’m on a fixed income so dealing with it is a real challenge. I spend about $115 a month on insulin and that accounts for about 15 percent of my income. Sometimes I have to cut my dosage from week to week to make sure I make it to the next paycheck. I know the risks, but it’s something I’ve learned to monitor and live with. Certainly someone of your status has been exposed to effective strategies and low-cost programs for dealing with the disorder. Any help would be greatly appreciated. And Go Broncos!

-Struggling with diabeing

Get more money.

Jay, this is your mother. Why haven’t you called? Yesterday was Mother’s Day, in case you forgot. And not just in humdrum Santa Claus, Indiana. Your father took me to a lovely brunch at the Holiday Inn and snuck out a few extra biscuits like old times. You loved those biscuits so, Jay. I know you didn’t like it when we made the big scene at that game last year, but it’s only because we were so overcome with emotion watching you play. You know how your father gets. Anyway, please give me a call. Because I’m your mother and I worry. You’ll never be too old for me. And I know you want these biscuits. Judging from photos, you are about due for dad to cut your hair again. WRITE SOON!

-Mama Cutler


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