A Bald Eagle Got Stuck In A Florida Sewer Drain, And Everyone Made The Same Joke

11.11.16 4 weeks ago 3 Comments

A bald eagle got stuck in a Florida sewer drain in the least subtle metaphor of the year. A witness told WFTV that he “saw two eagles fighting in the sky and they just dropped right into the drain, so I immediately pulled over.” The symbol for American pride was pinned there, where our waste mingles with other nasty liquids, for 90 minutes. The five-year-old female eagle had company for the first half-hour, but when the other bird flew away, the victim, who suffered puncture wounds and a cracked beak, fell into the sewer. “Experts say the birds were fighting over territory,” according to ABC News.

A crowd of onlookers cheered as a rescue team reached into the sewer to pull the second bird out at about 6:20 p.m., 90 minutes after it initially fell into the drain. Covering the bird in a blanket, rescuers placed it in a box to take it to a sanctuary to be treated. The bird suffered puncture wounds on its body, leg, and chest, as well as a cracked beak, and was expected to require up to six weeks of recovery before being released back into the wild. (Via)

So, to recap: a bald eagle, the national animal of the United States, was lodged in a sh*tty sewer drain after fighting with another bald eagle. In Florida, no less, a state the New York Times predicted Hillary Clinton to win; instead, it went to Donald Trump. Even Florida Man — who tweets out articles with headlines like, “Florida Man Found Naked, Covered in Vomit After Allegedly Robbing Dollar Store” and “Florida Man Dresses 13-Foot Alligator in Novelty Top Hat and Sunglasses for Halloween” — thought this was too on the nose.

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