Behind the PFT Headlines

07.12.12 6 years ago 15 Comments

Welcome to Behind the PFT Headlines, where we save you time by guessing the story based on the provocative headline.

Jay Cutler was supposed to play a friendly round of golf with Matt Forte, but instead made waves by changing the venue at the last minute without bothering to tell his teammate. One can only assume that this casts further doubt on the running back’s uncertain future in Chicago. Moreover, this situation calls into question Cutler’s willingness and ability to be the leader the Bears offense needs.

Matt Hasselbeck had nothing but good things to say when asked about the quality of his accommodations in Tennessee’s locker room.

“The locker situation has been ideal. You can really tell they went all out with the quality of the wood. What is this, cherry? Walnut, perhaps? Anyway, it’s got this shelf that’s the perfect height to hold my various scalp creams, plus loads of room at the bottom for all of my Crocs.

“I’m situated in a nice quiet neighborhood. I’m surrounded by kickers, punters and some of the more upstanding offensive lineman, if you know what I mean. We’ve even got some other quarterbacks nearby, although that guy I’m supposed to be competing with is a total fuckwit.”

RGIII has been noncommittal in the past regarding his former teammate’s NFL future, but since Jason LaCanfora is reporting this as news let’s go nuts! Could it be that Gordon is extorting Griffin like Richard Hurd before him? Speaking as a lawyer, it’s definitely possible. So what could Gordon have on Griffin? Well the receiver was kicked off the Baylor team following a drug arrest. It’s not hard to draw your own conclusions from there…

Reasonable doubt is more than just a Jay-Z record. It’s a legal term, and as a lawyer I can tell you that it is very real. We don’t know exactly what happened at the club that night morning, which is exactly how reasonable doubt works.

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