Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear

05.09.07 11 years ago 33 Comments

In a world where reality is a constant state of upheaval and turmoil, we present KSK’s latest attempt to separate fact from fiction….

Rumor: OJ Simpson was refused service at a Louisville restaurant on Derby Eve.

Fact: The owner had never actually heard of OJ Simpson, it was just a VERY authentic 1950’s style Kentucky diner.

Speaking of the Derby, if my first-hand observations are to be trusted, the Big Ten fans continued their domination of the infield, with Michigan and Ohio State partisans exchanging first verbal jousts and later their own waste. The MAC and SEC also put in strong showings. This year’s upstart: a surprisingly large group of pixie-like Wofford coeds who had made the trek up from Spartansburg, SC. Terriers, y’all!!!

Rumor: Osi Umenyiora will jump off the George Washington Bridge if he doesn’t have one of the best seasons ever for a defensive end.

Fact: Unless he is being facetious, it sounds like Umenyiora is trying to win support by making an outlandish statement that no one really believes, kind of like when Paris Hilton says she’s never, ever, ever going to do it again.

Rumor: Donovan McNabb (aka “Jasper Beardsley“) was shocked when the Eagles spent their first round pick on a QB.

Fact: Really? Donovan is surprised that after blowing out his knee and Jeff Garcia flying the nest, that the Eagles would seek some insurance at the most crucial position in the sport? Donovan was reportedly also shocked last week when May unexpectedly followed April.

In McNabb’s defense, surprising things have been afoot all over lately. For instance, did you know there is a basketball team called the Golden State”Warriors”? Apparently they play very entertaining basketball games while I am sleeping. (As you can see, I am in the midst of my annual tawdry eight-week fling with the NBA. Right now my favorite player is the Nets’ Bostjan Nachbar. Because “Nachbar” looks a lot like “nacho bar”. Mmmmmm, nacho bar.)

Rumor: Keyshawn Johnson to the Oakland Raiders?

Fact: Who knows? It would have been great to be in the Carolina war room when the Panther brass watched Keyshawn interview Dwayne Jarrett. Do you think they were merely exchanging knowing looks and smirks or were they justout-and-out holding their side braying with laughter while pounding on the table? I’m hoping the latter.

That’s all the enlightenment I have time for right now. But before I go, I saw this over at Mondesi’s House. Since KSK’s Big Daddy Drew was the one who blew the lid off Brady Groingate, I thought it on only apropos we link it here. This one is for the Steelers fans, particularly Christmas Ape…

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