Better Know A Draft Pick

04.12.11 7 years ago 22 Comments

Current name: Patrick De’mon Peterson
Former name: Patrick Johnson
Future name: De’mon. Just De’mon.

Age: 20

Height: 6′
Weight: 219 lbs

Nicest comparison: Charles Woodson
Meanest comparison: Carlos Rogers (tween draft analysts can be so cruel)

Strengths: Excels in press coverage.
Weaknesses: DERP!

Relevant medical conditions: Selective amnesia.

Who wants him: Dallas
Who will take him: Arizona

What I’m basing this on: Fuck all, as usual. Mostly I just want to see somebody take him before Dallas can. Come on Arizona, You have Max Hall on John Skelton at qb. It’s an embarrassment of riches! Go with the best player available. Who cares if he got a 9 on the Wonderlic? That test is biased against people who read at a fifth grade level.

Immediate impact: Defensive Rookie of the Year
Down the road: Loses all of his money in a Ponzi scheme.

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