First name: Amari
Last name: Cooper
Meaning: Delightfully bitter barrel maker
Nickname: Hollywood
Which in Alabama means: He wore sunglasses that one time
Height: 6’1″
Weight: 211
Position: WR
College: Alabama
High school: Miami Northwestern
Other famous alumni: Teddy Bridgewater, Trick Daddy
Year: Junior
Reason for leaving early: Obviously you’re not familiar with Nick Saban.
Age: 20
Combine performance: SPIDER GRAPH!
40 yard dash: See above. Click measurements and comparisons. It’s pretty cool.
Honors: Biletnikoff Award, winner Heisman finalist
Twitter: @AmariCooper9
What he tweets about: Heavy stuff.
I haven't been outside today..
— R.I.P Freddy G (@AmariCooper9) February 23, 2015
Embarrassing follows: J. Cole, Joel Osteen
Overly intense song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: “Immediate Music” by The Revengers
Potential Berman nicknames: Amari “Don’t Call Me Gary” Cooper
Random shit that shows up in his Google Image Search: Mickey!
Nicest comparisons: Randy Moss
Most murderous comparison: Marvin Harrison
But is he gritty comparison: Jordy Nelson
What all of these comparisons are trying to say: He’ll probably catch a lot of touchdowns.
Strengths: Catching footballs whilst running
Weaknesses: Not 6’4″
Red flags: Nope
Which makes him: Highly draftable
Where he’ll go: Oakland
But he didn’t run a sub-4.4 40: Oh, you’re right. They’ll take Kevin White. Amari falls to the Rams.
What scouts are saying: Decent speed, decent size, excellent athleticism and route running. But only decent speed!
What Nolan Nawrocki is (probably) saying: You know, they don’t have Nawrocki writing up the draft profiles anymore, and now none of them even talk about whether these guys have children out of wedlock. What gives, NFL?
Impact: WR1 for the next 10 years.