Better Know A Draft Pick: Blake Bortles

02.19.14 4 years ago 50 Comments

bortles and duke

First name: Blake

Last name: Bortles

Hey, that sounds like the name of: An off-brand Muppet.

Height: 6’4″

Weight: 230

Position: Bortleback

College: Central Florida

High school: Oviedo

Other famous alumnus: Badass Billy Gunn

Not Road Dogg?: Believe it or not, he’s not from Florida.

Year: Redshirt Junior

Age: 22

Parents: Rob and Suzy

Girlfriend: Lindsey Duke

Major: Interpersonal/Organizational Communication

What is that?: Sending emails, mostly.

40 yard dash: 4.78

Combine goal: Be above average at everything. Shoot for the stars, son.

Website: None, and yes, that makes Darren Rovell sick.

Twitter: @BBortles5

What his Twitter bio tells us: He’s in Orlando.

What his tweets tell us: He’s really looking forward to the Combine, and if you mention him in a tweet there’s a decent chance he’ll retweet you.

Appropriate song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: Monster by Imagine Dragons

I kept watching that waiting for Kendrick Lamar: Yeah, he’s not actually in the band. Sorry.

Potential Berman nicknames: Bortlemania, Meet the Bortles, Bortles For Sale, Introducing the Bortles… He might just trot out a different Beatles joke every week.

What shows up in a Google Image Search for “Blake Bortles”: Lindsey Duke’s huge boobs, occasionally posing next to her boyfriend Blake Bortles.

Number of Google results for Blake Bortles: 538,000

Number of Google results for Lindsey Duke: 8,880,000

What George O’Leary says about this: “She’s deserves six million Googles.”

Old people who lie on resumes say the darndest things: Yep.

What George O’Leary says about Blake Bortles: He’s not a franchise quarterback.

What George O’Leary meant when he said that thing about franchise quarterbacks: He’s not an instant starter from day-one, but has the tools to develop into one.

Unrelated image that show up in Google Image Search: Nope, just boobs.

Nicest comparison: Cam Newton

Meanest comparison: Blaine Gabbert

Creepy Gil Brandt comparison: Matt Leinart’s face on Ben Roethlisberger’s body.

George O’Leary comparison: A clipboard holder.

Strengths: Size, athleticism and playmaking.

Weaknesses: Arm strength.

Loved by: Floridians who aren’t affiliated with Florida, FSU or Miami.

Hated by: Fans of the team that drafts him, three years from now.

Where he’ll go: Jacksonville, please!

What scouts are saying: HE’S NOT THAT GREAT, YOU GUYS.

What Nolan Nawrocki is (probably) saying: Quarterbacks with attractive girlfriends are not to be trusted. Show me a BMOC who dates a homely girl and I’ll show you a leader.

Question he can be expected to answer over and over during Combine interviews: How does Lindsey feel about Hard Knockers? KNOCKS! HARD KNOCKS. How does Lindsey feel about the show Hard Knocks? Also, are her boobs real?

Impact: Sits. Starts. Sits again. Goes somewhere else, where he Sits. Then somebody gets hurt and he starts! It goes poorly.

Top image via Gamedayr, who probably took it from TBL, who probably got the original from Lindsey Duke’s Instagram. Internet!

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