‘Bin Laden’s Dead? Sweet Jesus Balls!’

05.02.11 6 years ago 64 Comments

I can’t believe it!

Osama bin Laden has been killed by American forces in Pakistan. With the death of the leader of al-Qaeda, the United States can close a chapter in its so-called “war on terror.” This latest conquest has really been a source of exaltation, relief and joy for American people across the country. This is amazing news for America, for the Middle East, and the world.


As a Christian man, I really have to condemn the celebration of a man’s death. I am ashamed that a gathering of young people in front of the White House decided to chant songs and jingoistic tunes while acknowledging the death of a religious leader? Does his killing correct all of the wrongs bin Laden committed in his life?

Why must we be such a vengeful people? Why can we not simply honor the memories of the thousands that died during the events 9/11 and the ensuing invasions in the Middle East? How can we allow a man’s death–any man–be the cause of cheering in the streets?

Haven’t we gone too far?

Tony, do you ever shut the fuck up?

Lemme ask you something. How do you grieve for a man that got out of bed every day thinking of new ways to kill Americans. Yes, a man has been killed. Three men and a woman, to be exact. One of those men was a dangerous human being that could have coordinated other attacks against us. Maybe if you weren’t paying so much attention to the stupid little bullshit in your life, you’d understand the severity of the conflict that exists in this world. Almost 200 people were killed in a tornado less than a week ago. You didn’t give them a second thought before steam-pressing your khakis before the weekend, now did ya?

We don’t live in a world of ideals. We live in a world of men, and sometimes the world is better off when a certain towelhead gets what’s coming to him. Was it within America’s rights to kill that motherfucker? Maybe it wasn’t, but that asshole shoulda realized that he might have been a casualty in his own damn war. Osama bin Fuckface set out to destroy America, but now it looks like the camel-shit-infested sandal is on the other foot now.

Let us celebrate this as we like. Let’s come together as a country for a day and celebrate the fact that someone tried to fuck with us, and then HE was the one that got fucked. This will be joyous for some and bittersweet for others, especially for those who lost loved ones in New York, the Pentagon, Afghanistan, Iraq, or even Libya, for whatever the fuck we’re doing there. This is America. This is the country and the civilization that Osama bin Laden tried to destroy. And we OWNED HIS ASS. Now take off the skirt, Tony Dungy, and dance on that towelhead’s grave like the proud American I know you are!

Oh, and if Obama can get them other crazy fools at TSA to stop grabbin my junk, that’d be great.

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