Breaking: Tom Brady to Play Tonight’s Game with Gisele’s Dog Up His Ass

01.12.08 10 years ago 21 Comments
“Shouldn’t’ve ordered all that dick”

Which is only slightly less gay than carrying the dog around in this bag.

Even though we revel in bagging on the guy whenever possible, Simmons’ column this week was actually, truth to tell, pretty good and well-reasoned. That must be his first one this season. If you’re a Pats fan – and fuck you if you are – that’s gotta be a troubling sign.

But leave it to The Onion to trump him with the concise and very real insight into the minds of Pats fans this week. I’m sure Silky Garrard will receive only the most levelheaded and gentlemanly of heckling from the Gillette Stadium crowd.

Of course, I’m gonna go ahead and say there’s no fucking chance in hell Jacksonville wins this game. Are they just plain not good enough to beat the Pats? Perhaps. But more so because the league will do whatever it takes to ensure that the New England-Indianapolis AFC Title Game goes down. If this game is even remotely close, be sure to take a shot every borderline call (or non-call) that goes the Patriots’ way. Just don’t have your relatives sue the site when you die of alcohol poisoning.

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