Brett Favre Would Like You To See His Love Gun

08.04.10 7 years ago 102 Comments

This is Jenn Sterger, former Florida State fangirl and in-house chew toy sideline reporter for the New York Jets. Today at the Mothership, my boss Daulerio says Sterger was on the receiving end of cell phone pictures of Brett Favre’s penis. Sent from the Penis Baron himself, a trick he no doubt learned from the Salisbury Institute. Let’s get into the nitty gritty:

Sterger claimed she spurned Favre’s advances because he was married, but also because she was working for the Jets at the time she didn’t think it was the best idea to start a torrid affair with the team’s highest profile player (the Jets have not responded to a question about any knowledge of the Favre/Sterger saga at this time). Plus, if she went forward with how aggressive he was and how skeeved out she was to some of her superiors, she suspected she might lose her job.

The interactions were flirty and strange but she didn’t think there wasn’t anything that made her too uncomfortable. But then, one night, Sterger received a picture on her phone which was so shocking that she just tossed it across the room. It was his dick. Brett Favre’s dick. And it happened multiple times. In fact, Sterger claims that, in one of the photos Favre allegedly sent her, he’s masturbating — while wearing a pair of Crocs.

Peter King is rubbing his throbbing groin as we speak. I have to ask the Favres and Salisburys of the world: Has this pickup method EVER worked? In history? Has a woman ever gotten pictures of a dick over the phone and said, “That cinches it! I’m totally banging this guy!” I always figured a penis is a necessary evil. Like Louis CK said, every dick you suck has gotta take something out of ya. So I don’t really know why anyone would EVER send anyone a cock shot.

Unless… well, ol’ Bretty does have himself a sense of humor. He’s always laughing and joking! Slapping guys on the butt! And he does a great Sling Blade impression! I can totally see how taking a picture of your dick and sending it to a girl would be the highest of high comedy! So, so funny. Especially when you do it multiple times, from multiple angles, in rubberized footwear.

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