Chip Kelly’s extreme safety measures!

07.26.13 4 years ago 24 Comments

So it’s come to light that Chip Kelly has been using Nerf balls in practice . Some say it’s about improving your eye hand coordination because somehow Nerf does that better than actual footballs, some think it’s a guerrilla marketing campaign, but I say nay to these options. Chip Kelly has been ahead of the curve offensively for a while now, and I think he’s trying to get ahead of the curve on NFL safety. He just watched the Cowboys lose like half of their line to nagging injury, so he wants to keep his team healthy. The nerf balls (Which reduce finger jamming) are just the beginning. Here are some of the pioneering safety efforts Chip is planning to institute: 


 Players must always wear their safety goggles, even when not on the practicefield


The entire field is layered 4 layers deep with those crazy space age mattresses from infomercials


Everyone’s new uniform is a balloon suit!


Defensive players planning on making a tackle must fill out the proper paperwork


Lineman get robot exoskeletons


The QB is given a bulletproof popemobile


Running backs are given new padding, which is actually a Zorb ball

Eagles safety

The Eagles will automatically forfeit every game, just to be safe.

Give up
Truly Chip Kelly is a man ahead of his time.

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