Terry Richardson has photographed some of our favorite people, including Louis C.K., Michael Shannon, Christina Hendricks, Florence Welch, Kate Upton, Will Ferrell, Frank Ocean, Woody Allen, Barack Obama, and Danny McBride, and yet, I consider him one of my many enemies. And not just because he’s taken pictures of all those people, and I haven’t. There’s something about his hipster-chic, cocaine-dusted, Polaroid-sheen photos that come off severely bleak. Or maybe it’s just because he makes his subjects do ridiculously terrible things.
I mean, just look at that photo above, part of the set Richardson took with Miley Cyrus. (Yes, he literally wasn’t the one snapping the pic, but it would have came out the way had he been pressing the ironic DON’T CLICK click button.) It’s breathtakingly unsexy. Here are 15 more of Terry’s most absurd in-studio photos.
“BROS BROS, GET IT? IT’S LIKE A SUB. BUT HUGE. LIKE OUR D*CKS. BUT HUGE. Wait…”
“Am I 19 years old or am I 12? The answer may surprise you…”
“I want to show my Monsters the dangers of bullying.”
“OK, now, James, pretend you’re Jesse Eisenberg dressing up as Mrs. Doubtfire for a briss.”
“Convince yourself he’s Yankee Fan Dan from Staten Island, and then you can get the heck out of here.”
“This might be tough, Justin, but try to look like even more of a douche than usual…PERFECT.”
“You’re a refugee who just lost his entire family after a warlord chopped your entire family to pieces.”
“You and me, Kobe, I know we’re big fans of all things pseudo-rapey, so I knew I had to get you in here.”
“My dreams, THEY’RE COMING TRUE. I’m going to f*ck me so hard tonight.”
“This is the most human emotion I’m contractually obligated to show.”
“Abbey, let’s see your best Jared Leto impression.”
“Jared, let’s see your best Abbey Lee impression.”
“Tell me what the world thinks of you, Kreayshawn.”
“Show me…the future, Lindsay.”
That’s it. I’m done.