Well, for starters, he’d be Baptist.
“Goddamnit. This was my idea!” – Scoop Jackson, Bomani Jones, Jemele Hill.
And the drummer for The Roots, apparently.
What if Tebow was Jewish with a tan?
He’d be Vince Young?
His loopy-ass throwing motion would be chalked up to “swagger”
He’d still hate the shit out of Catholics. Which is why we hate him right back.
He’d be JaMarcus Russell.
He wouldn’t be a virgin.
C’mon, lighten up. I’m just kidding.
He’d have been aborted.
He would prefer soft drinks that match both of the colors of his uniform?
He’d go after chubby white blondes.
Pictured: Tebow explaining a colonoscopy
No Ducks, I think you’ve won this round.
Rush Limbaugh would question his credentials.
He wouldn’t be gritty
Patriots fans would hate him.
Josh McDaniels would not have bothered to draft him.
He’d be a running back.
He’d be playing in the CFL.
His inability to read a defense would be considered a lack of intelligence, also, he’d have trouble swimming.
He would have gotten converted to WR in college.
White Jesus would love him less and he would have lost the to god damn Raiders like he was supposed to.
Denver wouldn’t have put up billboards for him. Plus they’d make sure their car doors were locked when they saw him in public.
His mother would have some explaining to do?
Kim Kardashian would probably date him.
He would talk loudly in movie theaters…. while the movie was playing. He would hate Cam Newton. His endzone celebrations would be much better. He would be driving a cab.
Moose, I read that with the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man” announcer voice in my head, and it was gold.
He’d get adopted by Angelina or Madonna.
Black Tebows don’t always drink 40s, but when they do they slap their bitchez round.
/OK, that was just wrong.
He could criticize Obama and it would be okay.
*The above comment was intended as satire about media behavior and prevalant stereotypes, not children or animals were injured during the making of this comments.
Paris Hilton would attend his next birthday party?
We would be labeled racists for not wanting him to succeed????
Another question: What if Jordy Nelson was black?
@Dirty 5 Thirty confirms there is one in every crowd.
His iPod would feature Kirk Franklin instead of one of those 3-named white Christian singers. Still would hate the gays, though.
He’d think that OJ was innocent.
Bleacher Report did this feature like 3 years ago.
Question; what if Tebow was a black athiest who smoked a pipe, wore tweed, and quoted Chaucer too often?
OK, sorry, never mind.
His favorite sleep aid would be called Ribz.
Oh, and to the question:
He’d be one of the hundred of other run-first QBs that go un-drafted every year.
“Bleacher Report did this feature like 3 years ago.”
That news makes this post even funnier.
The answers to this question (as they pertain directly to the NFL) are the same as the answer to the question, “what if someone shot Josh McDaniels.
/knows that’s not really true
//someone else would have drafted a “leader” in the first or second round.
I dont know Cap, he might be a Methodist. He might also be nearly as ‘gifted’ as I am.
/I have a huge wang
//You never know who will get one
his college coaches name would have been Urban.
/what’s that you say?
@Moose – one what in every crowd?
He’d probably have a badass nickname such as Magic, Sugar or Cadillac. Those guys get all the badass nicknames.
This haircut would never have worked:
He’d have went to the U.
Dammit, I scroll all the way down, gaining hope each step of the way, and BAM, last post, my Miami joke gets vultured! You’re Marion Barber, aren’t you???