The Continuing Adventures of The Flow: New Beginnings

03.13.14 4 years ago 30 Comments


VOICEOVER (spoken over sirens and gunshots): Everything can change in an instant here in America. The great folly of life is complacency, and even heroes can be made victim. One day in the future, you will wake up and realize that everything you took for granted, everything you depended on, everything that made your life comfortable and familiar will melt away as if it never existed. You can only be ready. Ready for the challenges that the next chapter brings.

And though I will no longer call the River City my home, I know that San Francisco needs me more. Because if you look close enough, lurking between the cobblestones and cable car tracks on those beautiful California streets, the same preying evil I fought in Jacksonville can be found. But wherever it arises, I will be there to stop it. Because I am this city’s only defense.

I am The Flow.


BLAINE GABBERT has just arrived in San Francisco from Jacksonville. The warm California sun beats down on him, as if to affirm that this is the right place for him. Suddenly, GABBERT feels a vibration in his Trion:Z Dual Loop Ionic Magnetic Therapy Bracelet.

THE CHIEF: Congratulations on your new home, Flow. But there’s no time to lose! You need to get to Candlestick Park. Our worldwide monitoring systems have not registered a Harbaugh outburst in the past 45 minutes. Something is wrong.

GABBERT: Then there’s no time to lose. To the FlowMobile!

Seventeen minutes later, the FlowMobile arrives.


LYFT DRIVER (after fist-bumping Blaine Gabbert): Where to, bud?

BLAINE GABBERT: Candlestick Park. And step on it.

The DRIVER begins driving towards the stadium, while BLAINE GABBERT, in the back seat, changes into a torn maroon spandex suit about a size too large and off-white tube socks pulled up to the knees. He kicks the DRIVER’s seat multiple times.

DRIVER (under his breath): Dickbag.

BLAINE GABBERT is now The Flow, just in time for his arrival at Candlestick Park. He exits The FlowMobile and tips the driver exactly 2 dollars over the suggested donation amount.



THE FLOW: Deserted. The Chief was right. Something’s not right here.

THE FLOW makes his way into the stadium. His steps echo down the hallways until he emerges out on the field. The turf is browned and dying. Black veins of pulsing energy extend outwards, emerging from a dark, oily pool at midfield. Suddenly, the ground heaves and the pool rumbles. Figures begin to emerge from the goop. Harbaugh. Kaepernick. Gore. Davis. They are all hunched over, lifeless, with blank stares that seem to pierce the humid California air. THE FLOW, however, does not notice, and has been poking at the black goop all around him with a stick.

THE FLOW: Haha, it’s just like Gak!

Slowly, another, larger figure begins to emerge from the goop. Once the goop figure has fully emerged, he towers over the 49ers, a monstrous and imposing figure. At first, he seems like the others; hunched over and lifeless. Then he roars to life, pointing a finger and bellowing a terrible laugh at THE FLOW, whose maroon suit has, in places, become decidedly more brown. 

THE FLOW: Who are you, and what is this goop?

FIGURE: No, Flow. Not goop.

The goop surrounding the figure begins to dissipate around the figure’s head.


DR. DOOP: It’s Doop.

THE FLOW (voice cracking multiple times): You’ll never get away with it.

DR. DOOP: You don’t seem to understand. I have nothing to lose. I was cut. And, once again, Flow, you’re too late. I have already infected this team with my Doop, rendering them useless on the field. Soon it will spread through the NFL, and the league will know my vengeance. Nobody cuts Dr. Doop! Nobody!

The entire stadium begins to shake, and all the veins of Doop return to Dr. Doop, encasing him in a dense orb. In an instant, with incredible force, a gigantic plume of Doop arcs out from the orb, glinting in the sun before crashing down on The Flow. The earth shudders and the steel of the stadium moans as the Doop plummets down on The Flow with the force of a thousand fire hoses. With a laugh, Dr. Doop dissipates the rest of the stuff, waiting for the smoke and dust to clear.THE FLOW is squatting, poking at one of the remaining globs of Doop with a stick.

THE FLOW: You said it yourself, Dr. Doop. We’re the same. Think about it. What effect would your Doop have on me?

DR. DOOP: Dammit, Flow! It’s not over yet. I still control this team.

THE FLOW: Well then, I guess I’ll have to out-doop you.

THE FLOW produces a football and begins to run at DR. DOOP. He trips over his socks. He then attempts to throw the ball at him, only to have it fall to the ground a few yards in front of him. He attempts to jump over a glob of Doop and falls on his face. With every mistake, THE FLOW has begun to glow brighter, in resplendent colors of gold and red.

THE FLOW: Hey Doop! Catch this.

THE FLOW swings at DR. DOOP with a mighty punch. He misses and stumbles past his target. However, THE FLOW is now shimmering with energy. His eyes are luminous and he begins to float. Far away in Jacksonville, swirls of blue gather above Everbank Field. The same is happening at Candlestick park, where swirls of red are gathering above the stadium. The swirls begin to glow, and two lasers pierce the heavens, one red and one blue. The energy collects in the atmosphere, tinging the sky, before it all crashes down on THE FLOW.

THE FLOW: If I were you, I’d be Dooping my Pantz right now.

THE FLOW, awash with energy, envelops the entire stadium in a blinding flash of red, blue, and gold light. All the Doop has disappeared, along with DR. DOOP himself. All the 49ers are back to their old selves. THE FLOW drops from the sky suddenly and concusses himself. THE CHIEF’s voice pipes through over THE FLOW’s Trion:Z Dual Loop Ionic Magnetic Therapy Bracelet.

THE CHIEF: You’ve done it again, Flow. You’ll be just fine in San Francisco.

THE FLOW: *incoherent mumbling*

THE CHIEF: Some things never change! Ha ha!

Next time on The Continuing Adventures of The Flow: Blaine Gabbert has a dream in which he is the active backup for Colin Kaepernick as the 49ers win the 2015 Super Bowl. He wakes up 30 minutes before his alarm is set to go off, breathes a melancholy sigh, and goes back to bed. Stay tuned!

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