Dan Snyder’s Coaching Wish List, Annotated

12.16.13 4 years ago 30 Comments

what an asshole

Everyone knows that Dan Snyder is already eyeing his next coach. He has a bottle of Crown Royale in hand, and a gassed up plane idling on the runway. So where is he heading? The best clues come from the annotated list Snyder made right after Mike Shanahan benched RGIII, thus forcing Snyder to go along with the plan out of fear of being exposed as an owner who doesn’t have final say over coaching decisions.

Dan Snyder- It doesn’t really look that hard. If I surround myself with the right coaching staff I think I could do a pretty good job.

Jon Gruden- I’m pretty sure this is the job he’s been holding out for.

Jay Gruden- Cheaper than Jon?

John Madden- I think he’s got something left in the tank. Plus, the young players love his video games.

Joe Gibbs- Third time’s the charm.

Tony Wyllie- He’s do anything I ask of him. Anything.

Larry Michael- See above.

Chris Cooley- Might give me some cred with the blog folks.

Sonny Jurgensen- Who doesn’t love Sonny?

Billy Kilmer- In case people don’t love Sonny.

Marv Levy- Jewish?

Vince Lombardi- Brings more to the table 43 years after his death than Jim Zorn ever did.

Jim Zorn- He did get off to a good start…

Vinny Cerrato– Or not.

Jack Reacher- Then we’ll see who’s laughing at who, Jerry Jones.

Coach Kilmer- He’ll do what it takes to win.

Robert Griffin Jr.- Father knows best.

Robert Griffin III- Why don’t you ever see player-coaches anymore?

The sommelier at Cafe Milano- He knows his Burgundy!

John Keim- Seems to know what he’s talking about.

Chris Russell- If only to keep him off of Twitter.

Jason La Canfora- So I can FIRE HIS ASS.

Dad- He wouldn’t get mad if I were friends with the quarterback. He’d be proud of me.

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