Remember that “major announcement” freakishly coiffed carnival barker Donald Trump was slated to make at noon today, one rumored to involve the Obama’s divorce papers? Yeah, well, we should have been so lucky. The reality is more like this…
Basically, all Trump’s “major announcement” amounts to is that he is the new P.T. Barnum…
This is America in 2012, you guys! Yaaaaayyyyyyy! Thank God we still have The Onion…
In a blockbuster announcement today, Donald Trump announced that he is a very sad man who has nothing to live for other than drawing attention to himself. “I’m a sad, pathetic human being and a complete waste of life,” said Trump, adding that he lives an empty existence, and that he is nothing more than a corporate shill, as well as a failed husband, father, and human being. “I am the piece of shit you stepped in on your way to work. I am the vomit that hurls out of your mouth when you are sick. I want to kill myself very badly. Thank you.” Trump then slit his throat from ear to ear.