Elisha Gets Paid Big Boy Money

08.05.09 8 years ago 45 Comments

Int. Manning’s Hoboken, NJ Condo

Eli: [on the phone] That’s flippin’ sweet news, Mr. Condom [snickers to himself]. So I’m the highest paid player in the whole dang league?

Tom Condon: That’s right, Eli. You’re number one, just like we talked about.

Eli: Awesome! So I make more than that Spazzy McJerkface?

Tom: Yes, you make more than Phillip Rivers.

Eli: But do I make more than Coach Coughlin?

Tom: Of course Eli, you made more than Couch Coughlin when you were a rookie. Now you’re the highest paid player in the whole league!

Eli: Killer! Now I have one more question, and it’s very VERY important.

Tom: Okay Eli, what is it?

Eli: Do I make more than Peyton?

Tom: Yes, Eli. You officially make more than your brother.

Eli: NO WAY!

Tom: Yes way, Eli. You’re a very rich man. I hope you know what you’re going to do with all that money.

Eli: Do I ever!

Eli: Sweeeeet! [sips from sippy cup]

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