Pretty much everyone has that moment where they wake up and don’t want to go to work. If it’s because of a hangover, one would call in and say they’re sick or the classic family matter to skip work. But, this is Florida we’re talking about, so to get out of going to work, this genius took things a bit further. Via Tampa Bay Times:
Dwayne Yeager was desperate to avoid going to work Monday, deputies say, but his wife wouldn’t hear of it.
So to avoid heading to his fabrication job at Dooson Hydro Technology, deputies say, Yeager staged a burglary of his house. He called authorities shortly after 7 a.m.
“I need a sheriff in Brandon,” said Yeager, 31.
He said he was gone from home only 45 minutes before discovering the break-in. “I come back, my door’s wide open. My windows to my son’s bedroom are open. My TVs are laying on the ground,” he told a dispatcher.
It would sound pretty bad at first, but the first hole in the story is his reasoning for leaving to go to work and then coming back 45 minutes later to discover the burglary. Man, he must really suck at his FABRICATION job, right? Because he couldn’t fabricate a story? Get it? Shut up.
Deputies arrived at his house, on Bridlewood Way in Brandon, where they found the front door open. Inside, the house appeared ransacked.
The front bedroom window and blinds were also open, but deputies say they didn’t see any signs of forced entry.
He ransacked his own house, but didn’t create any signs of forced entry? At least crowbar the door, or knock and window in from the outside. How did this genius finally get found out?
Deputies talked to neighbors and learned that Yeager left his house about 6:30 a.m. and returned at 7:15 a.m. Someone saw him walk through the front door, lift the blinds and open the front bedroom window.
When deputies confronted Yeager with the discrepancies, they say he admitted he had staged the crime to avoid going to work.
Yeager was arrested and taken to the Orient Road Jail on one count of providing false information to law enforcement. He was released later Monday on $500 bail.
Now, instead of just going to work and making money, he was arrested, jacked up his own house, probably messed up his marriage, will probably lose his job, and the kicker is that he still lives in Florida. Next time, just call in sick. Burglarizing your own house sounds like too much work. That may be the dumbest part of the entire story.
(Tampa Bay Times Via Gawker)