Gallery: Evan Mathis, Guy Who Pees On Things

05.16.13 4 years ago 20 Comments

Philadelphia Eagles guard Evan Mathis wears No. 69 on his uniform, so it’s my basic assumption as a guy who was once a teenager that Mathis is a jokester. And judging by his Twitter response to Chip Kelly’s elimination of “Taco Thursday and Fat Boy Friday” my assessment is probably correct. But further proof of Evan’s zany nature came yesterday when he Tweeted the above image of himself “peeing” on a sign at the IRS headquarters with the caption, “Audit this.” He’s better than Homer Simpson, that Evan Mathis.

I’m inclined to believe that Evan didn’t actually piss on the sign, take a photo of it and publish it to Twitter for the whole world to see, but maybe he did. Maybe Evan is such a hilarious rebel that he just travels the world pissing on stuff, from famous landmarks and buildings that he hates to great bodies of water and maybe even water parks. I wonder what that would look like… hmmmm, *scratches chin, stares off into the distance*… I wonder what that would look like…

After Evan visited the IRS, he stopped by the Capitol Building to let our nation’s lawmakers know what he thinks about them and their anti-taco policies.

Next, he swung by the Washington Monument to take a tinkle in the reflecting pond, because it’s just so tempting.

Then it was a quick flight to Paris, where he upped his peeing status to daredevil by climbing to the second tier of the Eiffel Tower.

Back in the states, Evan visited the inspirational Joshua Tree National Park.

Like most pro athletes, it was a dream for Evan to visit the Playboy Mansion, especially the infamous grotto.

Nothing beats the summer heat like a day at a water park either.

Hey ladies, if Evan ever invites you to a carnival, you can be pretty confident that he’s going to win you a prize.

And sometime a dude’s just gotta stop and let it out.

Did you know: Before he was drafted by the Carolina Panthers in 2005, Evan was an extra in an R. Kelly video.


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