(UPDATE: The U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau has made a huge mistake, and we’re not going to be seeing this stuff anytime soon.)
I’d like to officially welcome you all to the future, because the U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau has just approved a new type of alcohol in powdered form, naturally called “Palcohol” — and as Ron Swanson would say, this is the wrong way to consume alcohol. Although the product’s website has now been replaced with, shall we say, more “sensitive” messaging, until recently it touted the advantages of sneaking powdered booze into events, putting it in food and even snorting the stuff:
1. What’s worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost.
6. We’ve been talking about drinks so far. But we have found adding Palcohol to food is so much fun. Sprinkle Palcohol on almost any dish and give it an extra kick. Some of our favorites are the Kamikaze in guacamole, Rum on a BBQ sandwich, Cosmo on a salad and Vodka on eggs in the morning to start your day off right. Experiment. Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.
7. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room….snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you’ll get drunk almost instantly because the alcohol will be absorbed so quickly in your nose. Good idea? No. It will mess you up. Use Palcohol responsibly.
Pretty much all they left off was sprinkling Palcohol into the actual alcohol in your date’s drink. You’re welcome, and please remember to use Palcohol responsibly. Anyway I live in Pennsylvania which is like the only state in the nation worse off than Utah in puritanical liquor laws so I’m pretty sure we’ll never see the stuff here, otherwise I’d volunteer myself for an official UPROXX experiment/review. You know, for science.
Currently Palcohol is planning powdered forms of both rum and vodka, in addition to four powdered cocktails: Cosmopolitan, Mojito, “Powderita” and Lemon Drop.