Grantland’s Bryan Curtis Develops “Rules For College Football Fandom” & They Suck

08.15.12 5 years ago 11 Comments

To its credit, Bill Simmons’ Grantland has been solid since its beginnings last June. The sports and pop culture site has published some great reads, including Jonathan Abrams’ oral history of the Malice At the Palace, which Tins fawned over for a solid week in February.

Just don’t include Bryan Curtis’ “The Rules of College Football Fandom” among the Grantland canon. Inspired by Simmons’ original piece about being a pro sports fan, Curtis tried his hand at concocting a facsimile for college athletics. So if you’re a fan of the college you graduated from, the school where you’re currently a professor or the institution your spouse likes, then Curtis thinks you’re legit. Nice!

But if you’re like this poor soul who grew up supporting the town’s local college but chose to go to another state university, then Curtis believes your fandom is a mason jar full of sloth cum. According to the Grandmaster of Fandom, “growing up near a university isn’t a good reason to root for them beyond high school.” It’s also “despicable,” doesn’t count and your life’s probably a sham, too. See, in Curtis’ twisted sports universe, you aren’t a fan unless you actually go to that school—better programs and other mitigating circumstances be damned. You can’t simply grow up in Boise to be a Boise State fan (unless you’re broke). The Book of Curtis states that you must f*cking go there.

That’s why Curtis went to Texas, so he could actually be a Texas fan. He also did that to eventually write this illogical article and sound like a twat. He killed two birds with one stone and remained an authentic Longhorn in the process. Congratulations, Bryan. Now please go choke on the memory of Ricky Williams and leave college football fans alone.

Around The Web