Green Bay Should Grab Michael Vick

08.06.09 8 years ago 64 Comments

By one sports network’s count, there are exactly eight NFL teams that have not publicly declared “no interest” in signing Michael Vick, one of which happens to be the Green Bay Packers. They’re seriously considering picking up Vick, and I think such a signing would be a good move–for them.

The Packers Can Take The PR Hit.The Packers have arguably the most rabid pro sports fanbase in America, and in the smallest city to lay claim as home to such a team (we’re not counting Salt Lake City, fucking LDS freaks). The waiting list for Packers tickets is over 50,000 names deep. That’s fan devotion that could withstand a little fucking with. Besides, with the Favre saga seemingly at its end, it would be a shame to let the high bullshit tolerance of Packer Nation go unutilized.

Green Bay has no depth under center whatsoever. Packer backups Matt Flynn and Brian Brohm have one year each of experience, and no starts between them. The brass must have been sniffing some badass glue when he decided to throw Aaron Rodgers on the field for his first career start last season with literally nothing but a couple of warm bodies behind him. The obvious rub for Green Bay here is that they’ll have to dispose of one of the two quarterbacks that they drafted just 16 months ago.

Playing In Wisconsin Gets Vick Out Of The House. Getting out of Virginia, where Vick spent years playing Doggie Don King, is only gonna do that guy some good. Hanging out in the middle of nowhere, with crackers at every turn, might be the shot in the arm that the three-time Pro Bowler needs. Oh sure, all of the staring and sounds of locking car doors will get old after a while, but that’s standard integration procedure here in America. Whoops, did I just call America “integrated?” My bad.

Signing Vick Totally Fucks With Aaron Rodgers. I really should like Aaron Rodgers; he’s one of the prime reasons that Brett Favre is currently sitting on his couch instead of some other team’s future. And it was Rodgers that stayed in the green room as he continued to slide down the board during the 2005 draft, as opposed to noted man-bitch Brady Quinn who ran out with his flight attendant girlfriend just two years later. Michael Vick has the potential to unseat Rodgers, or at least gerrymander the psyche of that team in trying. As it was in the 2005 draft, that’s drama that I want to see.

Sure, it’s not a perfect scenario: Vick would never get a true chance to compete for the starting job, and he’d probably prefer to play someplace where being black isn’t a Class 3 Misdemeanor. But Vick To Green Bay falls on the more feasible side of the sanity scale. The reality is that we may not see Vick suit up at all on Sundays, which would be annoying. If Green Bay has taught us anything, it’s that following quarterbacks that aren’t committed to a team is the most irritating pastime ever. Here’s hoping the Pack will spare us one more go-round of that.

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