Guess That NFL Story By Moronic PFT Comment

03.28.12 5 years ago 33 Comments

Clicking on a post at ProFootballTalk is already like an invitation for despair and misanthropy to rip open your skull and feast on the insides. But the foolhardy reader who takes it a step further and ventures into the PFT comments is self-destructive beyond the point of salvation. I have been to the comments at PFT and I am not proud to admit it. I scarcely escaped with my sanity intact. I am damaged from the experience. It is a frightening den of inanity where mutants endlessly yell THUG and CHEATER back and forth at each other. A distinct lack of racism is the only thing keeping the above example from being a quintessential PFT comment, especially because it comes in reaction to a story not even tangentially related to bounties or Sean Payton. But which story is it?

– Nike suing Reebok for making Tim Tebow jerseys
– Brandon Jacobs signing with the 49ers
– NFL Media changing its typeface to “’90s cyberpunk deodorant label” look
– Owners voting to extend playoff overtime rules to the regular season
– Tebow losing out to Arian Foster in Madden cover fan voting

Answer: the revised overtime rules. Well of course. It is the only story about rules. In order to cheat, there must be a rule in place to violate. It is Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s first law of cheating science.

I wish I could grasp the mental process that produced that comment. Let’s give a try: Sean Payton’s team had bounties and Payton knew about them, so obviously he is a remorseless cheaty cheater whose sole purpose is to devise ever craftier methods of gaining an unfair advantage. How can Payton cheat the new overtime rules in the regular season? Since the coin flip is now of reduced significance, the two-headed coins are less helpful. Clearly there will be money incentives for his offense not to settle for a field goal if it gets the ball first. What dastardly feats of cheat.

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