Here’s Definitive Proof That Bruno Mars Is A Middle-Aged Woman

05.04.15 3 years ago 5 Comments

how-old

Microsoft unveiled its #HowOldRobot last week, a service that instantly guesses the age and gender of anyone in any photo you upload. As you can imagine, people had a lot of fun with it. But we are nothing if not scientists at UPROXX Music; we’re interested less in jokes and more in how accurate this damn thing is. So we tested it out on some prominent musicians.

Justin Bieber

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 21

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Nailed it.

Jon Bon Jovi

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 53

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Not bad at all, though we wouldn’t have been surprised if #HowOldRobot guessed 30. Look at that handsome face. Look at those steely eyes.

Ed Sheeran

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 24

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I had no idea age and gender even applied to hobbits, tbh.

Pharrell Williams

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 42

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Ha! You can fool us mortal humans with your age-defying appearance, Pharrell, but you can’t fool #HowOldRobot.

Taylor Swift

Real Gender: Female | Real Age: 25

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Where do you think the album name 1989 came from, #HowOldRobot?

Kendrick Lamar

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 27

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Perhaps the pressure of following up good kid, m.A.A.d city added some stress lines to Kendrick’s face?

Dave Grohl

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 46

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Hey, the rock n’ roll lifestyle ages everyone a little more quickly.

Gwen Stefani

Real Gender: Female | Real Age: 45

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Definitive proof that Gwen Stefani is a goddess we should all worship and treasure.

Steven Tyler

Real Gender: Male, supposedly | Real Age: 67

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OK, this is where I begin to call shenanigans. That mustache may fool a bot, but it can’t fool me — Steven Tyler is clearly a 400-year-old piratess.

Madonna

Real Gender: Female | Real Age: 56

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Nope. Let’s move on before Madonna hears her name in passing and does something desperate for attention.

Ariana Grande

Real Gender: Female | Real Age: 21

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Do you know anything about Ariana Grande, #HowOldRobot? First of all, she’s clearly a middle-school cheerleader. Second of all, she will literally hiss napalm at you for adding 11 years to her age.

Bruno Mars

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 29

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Go home, #HowOldRobot, you’re drunk.

Tyler, the Creator

Real Gender: Male | Real Age: 24

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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