Howdy, Mr. NFC East

10.24.12 5 years ago 35 Comments


There goes Mr. NFC East, snagging some Mickey D’s after a hard day at work. He eats it in the car. A lot of people would rather have their dinner once they get a chance to relax at home, but Mr. NFC East doesn’t deal well with traffic and the 20-piece helps him temporarily forget how much he hates his hour-and-a-half commute.

It’s been a tough week for Herbert NFC East. His four children always fight. He tells them to cut it out. He explains after the dust settles that when they’re older, they’ll realize that they’re the only family each one of them has got. You don’t get a second crack at family. You only get one. He explains that they’ll regret these conflicts and wish they made better use of their time. They don’t listen. How did he have such obstinate children? He doesn’t know. He suspects he never will.

Mrs. NFC East passed away a couple years ago. The breast cancer got her. Since then, McDonald’s for dinner has become a regular thing. Of course he knows it isn’t good for him. What kind of moron do you take Herbert NFC East for? You wanna lecture a tired old man about nutrition? Mr. NFC East raised four kids. He pays his bills on time. He may not be the smartest man, but he’s learned a thing or two about a thing or two. Take a hike, pal.

The other week, a neighbor asked why Herbert wasn’t wearing stuff from one his kids. It was Kathy, of course. Always butting her nose where it don’t belong. This time, she caught him on a bad day. He paused a moment and blurted out, “‘Cause he’s an embarrassment, all right?”

He regretted saying it. But he meant it.

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