I Am Vonald Tour

06.13.11 6 years ago 45 Comments

Hey, bros.

Anyone out there stumbled on a good strong-side linebacker app for Android? I tried the free one. It kinda sucks. Damn. All right. I’ll ask around.

Yeah, I’m Von. No, no, just Von is fine. Yeahh, I do that linebacking thing for the Denver Broncos. Or I would be. They have this lockout thing going on. Have you heard about it? Oh yeah? Cool, cool. I try not to presume. Football is just what I do; it’s not who I am.

Y’all see Game of Thrones last night? If not, man, the USS Spoilers, ahoy. Some sick shit at the end. I watched it with Darrell. Homie was wildin’ out.

Me, I’ve read the first four “Song of Ice and Fire” books three times each, so I knew what was coming. Really stoked for “A Dance With Dragons”. One nice thing about not being overwhelmed with football, right? Anyway, the book is a little better than the series. Trite criticism, I know, but true. But I honestly thought if anyone was gonna put out something to rival Martin, it’d be HBO. I’ll stick with it, though. Definitely a worthy effort. I appreciate the work that goes into something like that.

Hey, any chance I can show you my new tat?

My new teammates don’t really “get it” but my friends think it’s pretty dope. That’s all that matters, right? Huh? What does it mean? I don’t know, man. That’s kind of a personal question. Maybe later. Don’t really know you like that yet. No offense. No, no, it’s cool.

[Notification sound on phone]

Another friend request from Aziz Ansari? God. Let it go, dude.

[Scans GReader for five minutes while ignoring you]

[Skims overlong and overly earnest piece on the shortcomings of Grantland]

[Shares a dozen links to albums he has no intention of downloading on NewAlbumReleases.net]

Awwww, YO, that’s messed up! Check this out.

[Hands you phone]

I’m all about jokes, but sometimes people take this stuff too far. “The Elements of Style” is such a helpful handbook for writers. Y’know, like, sorry if someone had to correct you on your grammar and syntax that one time and you’re upset about it. I’m not being uptight about it or anything. I get the joke. I totally do. It’s just… c’mon. Where do we draw the line?

Yeah, that’s a fair point. Aw, you know what? I gotta run. We’re in our second week of daily candlelight vigils in the memory of Gil Scott-Heron. Sorry. I know I’ve been all over the place today, but that’s just kinda how my mind works. You’re the same way? Wow, dude. Good to know. Anyway, let’s catch up and have a more meaningful conversation later on. Just text me what works for you. Oh yeah, here, let me send you a text first so you get my number. Yeah, yeah, cool, cool. You got it? Nice.

Lates, bros.

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