All duh whirl is gabbin on dat bigol hushpuppy dere LeBon Jane and wut his decissin gunna be. Well you lissin here, whirl, ol’ brittfar gotsta talk turkey to ya: frankly, you don really care none bout dat bassetball foolishness. Wut is da bassetball anyway? Dem tall coloreds runs to and fro on da wood floors what was nice and polish-like. Got no regard for a nice wood floor. Das why brittfar play a sport what got the sense tuh be in tha outdoors on thuh greengas where it fun tuh play in yer Wranglers.
But sumayas still ackin all obsess-like. Dunno why. Ol’ brittfar gunna helps ya, cause he got the horse cents. He know you’s really missin the foobaw and they bassetball tricksters has ya fooled nta recokinnin that you give a flyin cowpie wut LeBon Jane do wit his life. Seems ta me, brittfar gotsta save ya from yaself.
Problem is, brittfar ain’ no idear man. He a man of ackshun. Thas why he turn to sum clever book-lurned Jewfolk ta gin a few up for him. Which ya think will wurk bess to get the attenshun back to brittfar and the foobaw?
Take the USS Alabama out to the Deepwater Horizon site and clog the breach by chucking footballs at it
Hunger strike for Lindsay Lohan
March on Selma for Mel Gibson
Sail around the world with a 17 year old girl
Become Alvin Greene’s campaign manager
Sign with the Knicks
Catch a huge fish
Watch the World Cup Final with a cell phone tucked in between his new implants.
Call a press conference for 8:45 pm EST to announce that he’s Batman
Let Paul the Octopus decide if he should come back for another season.
Twilight could always use a homespun Mummy character
Out himself as a Russian spy.
Continue supplying purple drank to washed out quarterbacks
Try to fit three regulation billiard balls into his mouth at the same time.
Offer to fight Manny Pacquiao
Accuse Childress of sexual assault.
One uh dese is fittin ta work. Which one it gunna be, whirl? Remember ol’ brittfar is only doin this fer you, not like the no-account schemin’ LeBon feller. He know whuts good fer him, he just gunna go away fer good.