This morning, (in equal parts delight and horror) we watched Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s forced apology video for bringing two dogs into Australia without the express written consent of, I dunno, someone from Men at Work. It was like the infamous Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice interview, except they’re both Sad Ben Affleck. (I guess Boo and Pistol are Lex Luthor?)
The video was the third act in Depp v Australia: Dawn of Big-Gutted Man.
Depp himself poked fun at the drama during a press conference in Venice, Italy, last year where he was asked if he planned to take the dogs for a gondola ride. “No,” he replied. “I killed my dogs and ate them, under direct orders from some kind of, I don’t know, sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.” (Via)
Australia’s punishment was, all things considered, minor — Heard faced 10 years in prison and a $75,000 fine, but she was given a one-month good behavior bond, which basically means she can’t commit any more crimes in the Land Down Under — so it was up to the Internet to discipline the notorious dog smugglers. To paraphrase famous Australian director George Miller: “What a lovely day… to pretend you’re not being held hostage.”