Kevin Everett GOULET! Meast of the Week — Week 8: Halloween Advice Special

10.31.07 10 years ago 22 Comments

We’re taking a one-week respite from honoring Kevin Everett’s valiant recovery to remember a fallen hero: Robert Goulet. At least Will Ferrell is still alive.

This is a tale of four hot chicks I know. Two pairs of best friends, united in their desire for matching Halloween costumes.

Pair of hotties #1 are best friends from college. This past weekend they wore matching slutty eskimo costumes (AKA “sexkimo” or “eski-ho”). Basically, there was a lot of fur, short skirts, and cleavage. A couple people mistook them for Mrs. Claus costumes, but really: who gives a shit what they are? They’re obviously costumes of some sort, and the goods are on display. That’s really all I’m askin’ for.

Pair of hotties #2 work together in the fashion industry. They look down on the dumb sluts they work with, and every year put together a creative team costume that everyone thinks is really cool and no one thinks is really sexy. Last year the big hit was Wayne and Garth, which worked frighteningly well because one of them is blonde and the other’s brunette. Keeping with the trend of ’90s phenomena that don’t need to be relived, this year they dressed as Beavis and Butt-Head.

Ordinarily, there’s a little chunk of the male brain that’s interested in bright women with original ideas. Halloween is that little chunk’s day off. So, hot girls, take a memo: I don’t give a shit unless you’re showing it off. I mean, these are two prime pieces of tail — one of whom has gigantic boobs — and they’re covering it all up to dress like dudes. Well, I can’t masturbate to dudes, so until you find some trashy heels and something that gives your father a sleepless night, go to hell.

This week’s Meast is Antonio Cromartie. He scored two touchdowns in the Chargers’ blowout — one on a muffed snap on special teams, the other a pick-6. Also, after drinking three Gatorades and a case of Miller High Life, he extinguished two acres of burning underbrush in San Diego County with his mighty hose.

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