I want to buy drinks or something for Jon Hopwood, the IMDB writer responsible for penning shedding, wig-wearing famous person Kim Kardashian’s IMDB bio. Hell, I kind of want to set him up with a hooker for the first paragraph alone.
Kim Kardashian is emblematic of the shallowness of American culture in the first two decades of the new millennium. While some cultural critics call her the prime avatar of the “famous for being famous” faux celebrity crowd, she along with Paris Hilton is a new breed of cat whose celebrity comes from the release of a sex tape and the canny exploitation of the resulting publicity. Like her good friend Miss Hilton (their relationship predates Kim’s “celebrity”, Kardashian is possessed of photogenic good looks but is short of any other discernible talents outside of the bedroom. Both expanded their celebrity by becoming reality TV “stars”.
Boom, roasted!
And then comes the second paragraph…
Porn pioneer Harry Reems has commented how surprised he is at how porn stars like Jenna Jameson are accepted now in mainstream culture. His life was ruined by his participation in porn in its “Golden Years”. As for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, the release (accidental or not-so-accidental) of boudoir tapes didn’t result in shame but celebration. America like ancient Rome seems to have shuffled off the moral coil of virtue of the Republic and is now enjoying its Imperial self in an orgy of ignominy. It’s always more fun on the toboggan ride down the hill than it was schlepping up it in the first place.
Wow. I do believe this hero just slipped a Harry Reems reference into KK’s IMDB bio. DRINK!
Go ahead, read the whole thing before Kanye’s girlfriend’s army of attorneys find out about it and have it taken down. And God bless America!
UPDATE: IMDB took the bio down, but here’s a screengrab so that it can live on forever…
(HT: Slacktory)
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Hah! Very nicely done. Although, if not for the quoting of other celebs, I might think that that shit was written by some would-be Rorschach, with all that “orgy of ignominy” talk.
Trademark
Nothing
Minus points for “shuffled off the moral [sic, mortal] coil”?
No, I’m pretty sure the author meant moral as it is spelled. As in, “Wow, what the Hell happened to the morality of America when it’s okay for people to become famous based on the fact that they had sex with a D-list rapper and possess an ass that Vida Guerra would say is too big?”
This is fucking brilliant. The KSK Kommentariat couldn’t even come up with anything that is any better. Well done Mr. John Hopwood.
Do they give the Pulitzer for “Biographical Summary?” Perhaps even the Nobel Prize?
Mr. Hopwood is a Gaddamn American Hero.
It’s been taken down :(
Screengrab of the entire thing has been added, as you may notice.
Fuck nobody can get away with anything anymore. Politicians can’t even fuck smutties behind the scenes (used to be a God-given right). We are a bunch of voyeuristic cunts.
thank you for making a record of this before it was taken down.
It was duty as an American citizen to do so.
“but is short of any other discernible talents outside of the bedroom. ”
From what I’ve heard about those sex tapes, neither Kardashian nor Hilton demonstrated a great deal of talent in the bedroom, either.
As someone who has seen both videos, I’m constantly flummoxed whenever anyone references Kardashian or Hilton’s sexual progress. THEY’RE BOTH DEAD LAYS. I feel sorry for anyone who watched either of their sex tapes and came away impressed. I can only assume they have no idea what it’s like to be fucked by a real woman.
It’s funny cause it’s true!
Anyone else notice the ad from the screen grab? Surely “class-leading trunk space” is no coincidence.
I missed that until you pointed it out. Thank you for the extra laugh.
!!!
And a little faith in ‘Merica is restored. Just a little.
Hehe….WIN!
Slow clap.
Feel good about yourselves “the Cajun Boy” or Mr. Hopwood or whoever you are. I would like you to write a complete bio of yourself that doesn’t consist of one day in your life. You seem a little cowardly and actually know very little about your subject.
Oh God did this get linked on Yahoo or something? How else would a Kardashian fanboy/fanboy who’s too dumb to know that me and the guy who wrote the IMDB are not the same person find their way to this post?
lol. You don’t belong here, Koko.
This is too Good! We have nominated Kim Kardashian to become one of our Celebrity ButtPlugs!!!
[celebrity-plugs.com]
FINALLY! SOMEONE HAS EXPOSED THIS WHORE!!! SUCH A DIRTBAG!
Someone needs to option this bio for a movie. They could cast Kim Kardashian in the lead! Well, if she took some acting lessons. Nah, screw it. All corgi cast it is.
This is marvelous. This is obscene poetry.
[www.facebook.com] if you dont like them go here. Call me hater whatever but I’m tired of them.
Even the new bio is funny as hell. It’s a fame whore’s dream.