Klearinghouse: Sidney Rice, Pat Bowlen and everyone else we will miss this season

07.23.14 3 years ago 119 Comments

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Eventually a trickle of information becomes a flood, which means we need to open the valve and release the building pressure from the KSK causeway. Not everything lends itself to a large takedown or a dick joke (introduction to this piece aside) and this the Klearinghouse was born.

– Sidney Rice announced his retirement from the Seattle Seahawks this afternoon after seven years in the league to take care of his health and open Wingstops where there are currently none. Cannot think of a more noble cause than opening wing joints in currently bird-free zones such as Seattle and Tacoma where they currently only know how to dip their joints in coffee. The announcement seemed almost inevitable this offseason as Rice was cut for salary cap reasons early on just to be resigned to a one year deal after coming off ACL injuries and multiple concussions. Unlike most who leave this league too soon, at least he is able to say he earned a Super Bowl ring.

– Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has placed the team into a trust as his struggles with Alzheimer’s disease have come too great for him to bear along with running the team. One of the more hands-on owners in the league, Bowlen was integral part of the last CBA and TV rights negotiations and is considered, for the most part, one of the “good guys” in the ownership pool. Beloved in his adopted hometown of Denver for turning a listless Broncos franchise around into a perennial postseason menace, Bowlen might also be best known for handing the keys over to John Elway for football operations, a punchline at first, but honestly, can you say your team’s front office has done much better? (SHUT IT, PATS FANS. THIS IS A SERIOUS MOMENT.)

Getting old, man. It’s an unfair motherfucker.

Since getting old is such a bitch, holding out may not be the worst move for Jamaal Charles. The Kansas City running back wants more money so his salary will be more inline for what other backs with his stats are making around the league. Considering the state of the rest of KC, they should find the room to give it to him and soon.  [EDIT – Hey look! Two seconds after we publish and Jamaal Charles has a new deal. YOU’RE WELCOME.] 

– Poor Geno Smith cannot get a break. The headlines he made for saying “Why not us?” which everyone assumed meant he was declaring the Jets Super Bowl bound? He was reading official NFL copy which accidentally was transcribed as being an original quote. Whoops. Hope the NFL.com newsroom sent him a box of cupcakes to apologize for their error.

– Speaking of poorly chosen words in New York, how relieved are the Giants that everyone is paying attention to Tony Dungy’s remarks and not those made by newly-appointed Director of Player Development David Tyree’s from a few years back? Have to hand it to the Star-Ledger, they’re the only outlet I’ve seen bring up his ‘I’d trade my famous catch in for the end of gay marriage’ statements.

– Via Larry Brown Sports, the joy in the 49ers locker room when Vernon Davis showed up for camp this morning instead of holding out. So sweet.

– Still no word on what Andre Johnson’s plans are for the end of this week, but the Texan’s biggest star has been spotting around the training facilities after skipping the rest of the OTAs.

– We’re in the first week of camp which means players are already in the hospital for heat related stress. Bills and Giants, maybe you should have held out just a little longer.

– According to National Audubon Society report posted on Deadspin, the Vikings new stadium design is a death trap for birds. This is a terrible thing to hear about our second favorite Sandcrawler.

– Not entirely football related, but the gang at Jaguars blog Big Cat Country are making crab cakes the size of dinner plates and putting them on sandwiches if you’re looking for a good preseason recipe.

– And completely not football related but since ComicCon is this week, why not; my pal Jordan Hoffman complied a great oral history of GALAXY QUEST which is worth your time to read.

– Finally, coach Bill Belichick has declared Patriots camp open in his usual style. “We’re here.”

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