KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekkake: Kansas City Chiefs

08.21.07 10 years ago 27 Comments

Suck my ROC!

Projected Record: 8-8
Actual Record: 8-8
Herm’s Favorite Time to Run Larry Johnson: Third and 8

An Arbitrary Number of Fast Facts on the Chiefs

-There are two Kansas City’s–I think the Chiefs play in the crappy one.
-Brodie Croyle was a cool name in fifth grade.
-Herm Edwards doesn’t like being called Herman. On a more interesting note, the nation’s first television advertisement for condoms aired during an episode of Herman’s Head. That night the show received thousands of complaints–non of which had anything to do with condoms.
-Priest Holmes just criticized his spinal column for holding out.
-Claude Maurice McGee goes by the nickname “Turk” because all of his real names are kinda fey.
-Kyle Turley is half C.H.U.D. and half Morlock.
-Jason Dunn is really two and half midgets.
-Even though he’s 6’3″ Napoleon Harris has been known to wear lifts.
-Jay Z is worried that Larry Johnson is trying to fuck Beyonce.
-Beyonce is terrified that Larry Johnson is already fucking Jay Z.

If you know one thing about these Kansas City Chiefs it’s that Gunther Cunningham doesn’t take lip, he gives lip!

If you’ve been watching their training camp unfold on HBO’s Hard Knocks (not me!) you know that Gunther isn’t just a crotchety old man, he’s nuttier than Chloë Sevigny’s mouth.

Three Quick Thoughts:
-I’m not footballologist but I’m pretty sure those guys need their hands.
-I’d pay good money to watch Gunther try to wrap his feeble old-guy hands around DeMarcus Tyler’s ginormous head stalk
-It should come as no surprise that Gunther was born in Munich shortly after the fall of the Third Reich.

If you are a fan of the Chiefs I offer my humble apologies for the things you’ve read here and all of the misery you’re bound to endure this season.

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