KSK Mock Draft: New Combine Events

03.01.13 5 years ago 166 Comments

“I’m here for the pillow fight.”

The combine sucks. People get all worked up over it, but the drills and measurements are horribly boring. That’s why we’re going to draft new tests, drills and/or measurements to liven things up a bit and tell us more about these potential NFLers. You can pick an individual test to be given to each Combine invitee or something more position specific.

1. Flubby: Raiders of the Lost Ark-style boulder chase

2. CC: Kitten toss

Like an egg toss, but with kittens.

3. Sarah: Assemble a large piece of IKEA furniture

I never understood why McNulty didn’t asked Detective Moreland to help him put together those bunk beds.

4. Ape: Voight-Kampff

Always suspicious of replicants and cyborgs.

5. UM: Human maze

Complete with of obstacles, pitfalls and surprise tackles.

Round 1 recap: Hey, this was nice and easy. No arguments or anything. Not even over whether or not Deckard is a replicant or not (neither answer is correct, Ridley). We started off with a potentially deadly challenge and followed up with one that will drive PETA insane. So yeah, two good picks there.

6. Catfish hunter

Each player sits down at a computer where they start chatting with somebody over social media. They have a set amount of time to determine if the person is a real groupie or a guy.

7. Ape: Kobayashi Maru test

So fun to watch players go through a test they cannot win.

8. Sarah: Mario 64

How many of the secret 120 stars can they find playing through Mario 64.

9. CC: Dodgeball

5-10 draft prospects per side in a high school gymnasium. Excellent way to evaluate fast-twitch responses, strength, and hands.

10. Flubby: All draft-eligible QBs have to throw a football into an over-sized Alamo Beer can

Like on the Don Meredith episode of King of the Hill.

Round 2 recap: I went the topical route, while Ape maintained his sci-fi cred. Sarah picked a game that came out when these pro prospects were four years old. It would be pretty funny watching them try to negotiate that controller, but I may have gone with a GoldenEye tournament. Matt’s idea would probably make for the best television of any pick in this round, which just makes me wonder how celebrity dodgeball hasn’t become a thing. What would you rather watch, Louie Anderson diving into a pool, or Louie Anderson’s face filled up with a red rubber ball (in a non-sexual way)?

Make your picks in the comments.

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