KSK Mock Drafts: Amusement Parks

02.08.13 5 years ago 127 Comments

Football is over, and as per tradition, we will while away our time with schaudenfreudey cuts (I hope your family starves, Ahmad Bradshaw) and mock drafts. Of course we don’t do real mock drafts. They are totally f*cking pointless, unless the point is to make fun of how bad people are at predicting draft picks. Instead we pick a topic each week to draft among ourselves. We’ll make our picks, and then you take your turn int he comments.

Once the real draft takes place we will propose draft topics and let the commenters battle it out for mock drafting supremacy. It’s a resume builder.

This week we are drafting amusement parks, with the following stipulations.

You get full run of your choice of amusement park for a full day. You can bring along however many people you want (feel free to leave the kids at home), and there are no travel restriction. You and your group would magically arrive at the park’s front gate first thing in the morning, and be transported back home as soon as the park closes. Everything at the park, from rides to concessions will be free for you to enjoy how you see fit.

Drew at Cedar Point.

1. Drew: Cedar Point

Sixteen roller coasters. Even that’s worth going to Sandusky Ohio for. For me, THE ACTION IS THE JUICE.

2. Ape: Schlitterbahn Water Park

If I can’t get the best coasters, I’ll take the best water park. Even if it’s in Texas.

3. UM: Busch Gardens Tampa Bay

Rides, animals and on certain Sundays they have tents set up with barbecue and craft beer.

4. Flubby: Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park

Not much on amusement parks, but I loved The Warriors.

5. CC: Six Flags Magic Mountain

18 roller coasters, two more than Cedar Point. Also: in California, not Ohio. BOOSH.

First round recap: Cedar Point is the LeBron James of this draft. It’s the clear-cut number one choice, despite the whole Ohio thing. Ape follows up with a solid pick, even if Schlitterbahn is evocative of both Texas and Nazi Germany. My pick is mostly about the food and beer, because I’m terrified of heights. You know, because I’m more in to food than I am roller coasters. Because I’m scared of heights and I’m fat. Flubby’s pick is a decrepit pit, and Matt’s was recently owned by Dan Snyder. That doesn’t bode well.

6. CC: Tokyo Disneyland

All the perks of regular Disneyland (Space Mountain!) but with Japanese cleanliness and efficiency.

7. Flubby: Tivoli Gardens

8. UM: Universal Studios Singapore

It’s like regular Universal Studios, but with much more interesting food. Also, it’s part of the same complex as a huge casino and marine life park.

9. Ape: Window of the World

I can visit miniature versions of touristy stuff I’ve never seen in person. What fun!

10. Drew: Universal Orlando

It’s destroys Disney World.

Second round recap: Matt starts the run on exotic eastern amusement parks. Not only are they efficient, but there’s probably some pretty weird shit going on there as well. Not to be racist, but you know, tentacle porn and all that shit. Flubby picked a garden or some shit. Sounds cool for a first date if you live in Europia. Drew finishes things off with bit of classic Americana. However, both Disney World and Disneyland are left on the cutting room floor.

Make your picks in the comments, and give a good reason. And remember, beer section and world-record setting roller coasters count for a lot.

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